“Dads are free to define fatherhood on their own terms.”
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This is an exciting time to be a father. Fathers are now, more than ever, questioning what it means to be a dad and shedding old models in the process. Over the past ten years, for example, the number of stay-at-home dads has tripled. One in five fathers acts as their child’s primary caretaker, while two million pre-schoolers’ fathers care for them more than any other child-care provider while their mothers work.
With this shifting landscape comes great opportunity. Dads are free to define fatherhood on their own terms. We are taking on more parenting responsibilities and assuming duties that were previously designated for mothers only. In my father’s time, it was revolutionary to change a diaper. Nowadays, other than birthing and breastfeeding, everything is fair game.
Paradigm shifts often cause confusion, and fatherhood is no exception. It’s easier to tweak someone else’s work than to start with a blank canvass. We know we don’t want to parent the same way our fathers did, but we’re not quite sure what it’s supposed to look like for us. This uncertainty, as uncomfortable as it might be on a personal level, is also fertile ground for transformation. The blank canvass provides a great opportunity to find out who we are and paint our own picture of fatherhood with authenticity and integrity. In order to do that, though, we have to find out who we really are.
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photo: ddebold / flickr
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It sounds like you are surrounded by a community of engaged fathers. As the primary breadwinner in my household, I can relate to the model of earning a paycheck while participating in child-rearing. However, that paradigm–though by no means dead–is less and less prevalent. The Boston College Center for Work and Family has done some excellent research on the shifting paradigm of fatherhood. They note that career advances made by women coupled with the disproportionate impact of the economic recession on male-dominated industries has created more opportunities for fathers to be engaged in child-rearing. You can see one of their… Read more »
Per my definition, it’s not either-or situation, as if a working man can’t and shouldn’t change diapers, clean, cook, wash clothes, etc. As a father, it is my responsibility to bring home a paycheck in addition to domestic responsibilities. There is nothing new about fathers changing diapers and doing other domestic chores. The writer’s culture different than mine. The men in my family have been changing diapers for many, many decades, perhaps longer – along with cleaning and any other domestic chores that were agreed upon by the couple. However, they also brought home a paycheck; that was not optional.… Read more »