Teaching a Child to Hate the Other Parent

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I remember when I was young, my mother, newly divorced from my father, would pause when speaking of him. She chose her words carefully. I was aware of it but didn’t understand until much later.

She was adamant to share only neutral or better stories about him so that my sister and I would not associate ourselves with his bad qualities. Mom remembered her mother’s stories of her father and how she internalized her mother’s derogatory remarks about him. “If my father is a liar and a cheat, am I?” she wondered. After learning the psychology behind those thoughts, she was careful not to repeat her mother’s mistake, lest we hear, “You’re just like your father!”

Other children of divorce are not as fortunate. It seems more common for kids to be torn between their divorced parents (see the video, below) or to have no access to one parent and to hear only the terrible “facts” about him.

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We want to hear your point of view.

• How do you avoid negativity about your former spouse or partner around your children?
• How do you deal with the negativity your former spouse or partner dishes out to your children?
• If you are a professional in this field, what are healthier ways for the parents to handle their drastic incompatibility and negativity so it does not adversely affect the children?
• As an adult child of divorced parents, how did you recover from the parent-bashing your parents did to one another?

Comment below or write an essay and submit it to us for publication.

You may want to read these related articles, first:

1. When Divorce Happens to Young Children

2. 9 Things to Expect From an Angry Ex During and After Divorce

3. Finding Peace With My Father’s Memory at Thanksgiving

4. My Father Wanted His Memorial Service in a Tavern

5. A Broken System: Fighting To Be a Dad

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Photo credit: Pixabay