Marriages are like sharks—if they don’t keep moving, they will die. Actually, I don’t think that is a true statement about sharks but is true of marriage. The reality is that your marriage will end but how it ends is up to you. Do you want it to be the romantic version where you and your spouse die within minutes of each other? Or will you choose the path that involves lawyers and equitable division of property? The choice is yours. (And your spouse’s, of course.)
Unfortunately, too many people think the focus on their marriage ends the moment they say, “I do”. Oh, they may have a few months of wedded bliss before their focus shifts to other, more important things but eventually attention wanes until your marriage is like the plant in the corner, dying of neglect and dehydration.
You might make attempts now and then to give it the attention you promised on that day you spent so much time and money to make memorable; Valentine’s Day, your anniversary, your wife’s birthday, for example. You may even have a date night when you think about it. But consistent and effective attention? Only if you really want to make it until “death do you part.”
Over the twenty years I have been working with couples, I have been asked repeatedly if it’s really possible to have a healthy, successful relationship that lasts; if there truly is a way to divorce or affair-proof your marriage. In a word, yes. And it’s neither that difficult nor time-consuming. But it is a choice you must make over and over again. So must your spouse.
It’s the choice to put your marriage first. Before your hobbies, friends, family, kids, even your job. I hear you. You’re now telling me why that isn’t reasonable or even possible. But that’s what the “forsaking all others” means. You and your wife are creating a life together that includes all those things but in support of your marriage, not detrimental to it. And if you don’t know how to do that—and many don’t—ASK.
You’ve been taught a lot of things in your life, but I can pretty much guarantee you’ve never had a Relationship 101 class. You’ve learned by watching your parents and friends. You’ve experienced it by being in relationships. But how many of those have ended?
To win at marriage means not just knowing the rules but mastering them. Good marriages have their share of challenges. The difference is that the couple faces them together as a team. No one partner being more important than the other. It’s about finding solutions that work for both and, more importantly, the marriage.
Your marriage will end one day. But only you can decide if it is one that has made you richer or one that has left you poorer.
Interested in learning more? Get a free 15-minute laser coaching session on your biggest marriage challenge.
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This post was previously published on The Hero Husband Project and is republished here with permission from the author.
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