Yeah I know you wear many masks on that lovely face of yours each day to face the world.
Wait, I’m not talking about your face mask against COVID-19!
I’m talking about the mask we have been wearing against the world. Isn’t it ironical? Still we all wear masks either consciously or unconsciously. It can range from fake happiness, to fake satisfaction, to fake calmness, to fake I don’t care, to fake being strong, to fake know it all, to fake acceptance and the list goes on.
The question is which of these you wearing today?
More importantly WHY?
There can be many psychological versions of having an identity crisis, but I’m not going that far because I’m more interested in talking about myself — and how in the process my experience can be correlated to each one of us.
Why?
The answer to why we wear the mask is very simple, we want it all perfect for us. We find hiding behind the mask comfortable because it keeps us safe from immediate embarrassments, judgments, assessments and above all it protects us from a world that is too harsh to accept us the way we are (at least that’s what we think).
Apart from this, the mask also satisfies our egos when someone else dare to lift theirs and we take advantage of that vulnerability. For example, what is the immediate reaction that comes from a group of people discussing a certain issue and one of them admits that he/she is unable to follow? The group can pretend to be polite by explaining it to them but a condescending cloud surrounds their heads. Since we are aware of this, we would rather wear the mask of know it all.
One of the major cause also is fear. The fear of being exposed and not understood forces us to keep that mask of being strong, impervious tighten.
Lost in the storm
By ZhangKeny @unsplash
It’s true that this behavior of ours is not a sudden change and also there are people and situations where we prefer rather being raw and ourselves. But the instances of this keep on depleting as we age because we get lost in the storms of our life.
The calculation is continuous and enormous that goes in our mind as and when we face the world both at micro and macro level.
For me, it is necessary to wear masks at times to keep things smooth in our lives. For example one can’t afford to show their true self to a stranger they met on a train (though telling a stranger a secret is the best way to let it out because he’ll/she’ll not judge and even if they do it doesn’t matter, but the chances of it is rather meager) or while having a diplomatic conversation to seal a deal for the company. One needs to wear the appropriate mask in these certain situations, at least I do.
That said, it is equally important to remove that mask when engaging in an informal conversation or when one finally lies back on their bed at the end of the day and reflect upon themselves.
The problem is: in the total space of our everyday activities, the arena of formal interactions increases while the informal and one reserved only for self keeps on shrinking and at times completely lost. With this we lose our true self. Those masks remain worn and it comes into our habit of using them everywhere after all they are comfortable.
Clutch on it
By Chris Henry @unsplash
What is “it”? It’s your true self that’s washing out with passing time. As a child I always had a question in mind and that was, “why are grown ups so complicated and twisted”? I never realised back then that this question itself is very complicated and one can not find an answer to it in their whole lifetime.
Now experiencing those same complications myself I keep reflecting on different reasons that are responsible for it. One major being losing myself in the process called living the life.
Then how can I clutch on it?
1. Self reflection: Sometimes we lose ourselves and that’s okay, it’s a part of learning. But make sure you take time to reflect upon yourself to come back even better and stronger, difficult to be swayed from true self
By DariusBashar @unsplash
2. Those true informal conversations and those few around whom I can afford to be raw — this we take for granted but having an informal cushion to fall back on is of utmost importance. They not only provide us the space to be mask-less but at times, also correct us when we are rising in our condescending bubbles or are deviating from our true self unknowingly. They can be your family, friend, teacher or anybody who has been with you for many years and have seen your true self.
Now that’s the magic what a peer can do to one. They can remove the mask that was tied to your face suffocating you.
3. Memories and memoirs: Next time you feel lost in this masked world do one thing — sit back, take out a photo album (or open a picture folder in your laptop) and just see the pictures of your previous self. It can be a school trip, family holiday, birthday celebration, festival, marriage or random clicks you took years back. Also, one can go through their previous memoir (if one writes one). You’ll have a heightened feeling that will be liberating.
By DebbyHudson @unsplash
When we clutch on it and find ourselves back, what we feel is SELF CONFIDENCE.
Self-confidence is the only cure to the disease called masking.
Self-confidence doesn’t come when we are perfect version of ourselves, it comes when we are true version of ourselves and it doesn’t matter whether it’s perfect or imperfect.
Disclaimer: it’s an ongoing process also a very rigorous one too, but it’s always better than masking.
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This post was previously published on “Change Becomes You” and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Photo credit: Pixabay
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