One Million Moms CAN Be Wrong

One Million Moms denounces Dancing With the Stars for promoting LGBT lifestyle. And Aaron Gouveia, for one, is not happy.

Dear ABC executives:

I have never watched a single episode of your television show Dancing With the Stars, but I have grave concerns after it was brought to my attention by One Million Moms, that you’re showcasing a gay man and—even worse—a transgendered “man” for the upcoming season.

How dare you?!? According to One Million Moms:

Some families have already decided against watching Dancing with the Stars because of the skimpy costumes and provocative dance routines, but now they have gone too far! This year, not only are they casting Carson Kressley from Carson-Nation, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and How to Look Good Naked, but also transgender Chaz Bono––child to Sonny and Cher––from the documentary Becoming Chaz will be appearing in the show. Both are LGBT rights advocates and promote this destructive lifestyle. DWTS is helping them create visibility for the LGBT community.

Hey ABC, I’ll have you know I’m the father of a 3-year-old child. An impressionable 3-year-old child. And he watches TV. How can you have the gall to market yourself as a family show and then turn around and feature GAYS? Worse than that, you’ve also got some “he-she” thing prancing around on stage. Forget the fact that my son would never know Chaz Bono used to be a woman if One Million Moms didn’t point it out. Because you know what? God knows.

This is completely unacceptable and Christians should not watch the show, no excuses! Kressley will be paired up with a female dancer, and since Chasity, transformed to Chaz after her sex change in 2009, will also be paired with a female dancer. To push the envelope even further for a program that could be a family show but is obviously not, Kressley is also author of the children’s book  You’re Different and That’s Super, a children’s book promoting the homosexual lifestyle to children.

Don’t think I’m not onto you ABC. You think you can mitigate things by putting the gay guy with a woman? I don’t think so. God doesn’t miss a beat and neither do I. And don’t get me started on the gender-bending of placing that “she-man” with a man. I mean sure she started out as a woman and therefore God’s will is technically being followed because Chaz is paired with a woman, but it doesn’t count. Because now she’s a woman turned into a man dancing with a woman. OK, so admittedly I’m a little confused but it all sounds wicked gay. And that’s bad.

Furthermore, how can you not see the evil in Carson Kressley’s book? The title is You’re Different and That’s Super. I think we know that “different” equals “gay.” And if you’ve ever read the bible, you’d know that being gay is definitely not OK. We Christians will not stand for anything that promotes, or even acknowledges, differences. You think I want my child learning about different cultures, races and beliefs? Imagine the consequences of our children forming their own opinions on such matters after being exposed to an array of different mindsets. Horrible.

Not to mention it’s so not cool to send the message that kids should be okay with themselves if they are gay. We will not accept alternative lifestyles that aren’t in accordance with God’s plan. If we do that then kids will be more apt to accept themselves and others, and the gay kids might even stop committing suicide. Gay people are going to hell anyways, no reason to postpone the trip.

We Christians will not have homosexuality forced on us. I mean, sure—we could just change the channel or not tune in to the show. But that’s hardly the point. Simply knowing people with different beliefs exist is awful enough, but when the gays are promoting their lifestyle by dancing, that’s when things have gone too far.

After all, it’s common knowledge gayness is contagious. Like I said, I’ve never actually watched the show but I saw it for a second while flipping channels. Even though I didn’t go full on gay, I noticed myself talking with a slight lisp for about 20 minutes. I also matched my shoes and belt the next day before work, not to mention using the word “fabulous” to describe my wife’s cooking.

Besides, all good Christians know this is just a way to gather up support for the acceptance of gay marriage. Perhaps the biggest threat to our way of life these days.

I should know. I live in Massachusetts where gay marriage has been legal since 2004. And look what’s happened in that time. We elected a black, communist president, we’re in two wars, everyone has mandatory health care, we went through an awful recession and the recent earthquakes, tsunamis and hurricanes were no doubt part of God’s punishment for tolerating homosexuality. Do we really need any more proof gay marriage is bad?? It doesn’t matter that it’s legal in several states and rapidly gaining acceptance everywhere. Two men or two women just doesn’t count because it goes against God’s plan and the sanctity of “real” marriage.

These immoral gays keep bitching about their equal rights. Why can’t they just respect the institution of marriage as God intended? They need to follow in the footsteps of Britney Spears & Jason Alexander, Britney Spears & Kevin Federline, Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston, Michael Jackson & Lisa Marie Presley and Larry King and his 243 marriages. These couples prove a rock solid marriage can only be between one man and one woman. Anything less than these shining examples of fidelity and monogamy threaten the very fabric of marriage as we know it.

All I can say is thank heavens for One Million Moms. This isn’t the first time they’ve stepped up and struck a blow for integrity and Christianity.

• Bert and Ernie will not be getting married and homosexuality will not be spread
• Old Navy was selling shirts that actually encouraged gay teens to “Live Proudly.” Imagine thousands of gay teenagers being encouraged to take pride in themselves and who they are. The horror!
• They actually discouraged Google’s support in the “It Gets Better” campaign, on the grounds that “choosing the homosexual lifestyle actually increases the risk of suicide.” Family values has to come before the lives of troubled gay teens who are already hellbound. Everyone knows that.
• One Million Moms also took aim at a Dentyne commercial, because even though it features no sex at all it too closely imitates a condom commercial. And condoms are evil. Especially when used during filthy gay sex.

As you can clearly see, One Million Moms is a pure, Christian group that is not at all insane. Gays are ruining the world, Dancing With the Stars is featuring LGBT people so therefore DWTS is an evil, liberal regime that must be stopped. I urge you to stop exposing the general public to people of varying backgrounds. I will not stand for differences to be showcased to millions on a national TV show. If you need guidance as to how to proceed, I have a book you can read that’ll do just fine. It’s a little old and some of it may not make total sense, but you’d be wise to live your life by it and interpret it as we do. Because that’s the only way. The right way.

We will not rest until you comply with our perfectly rational, not-at-all nuts demands. Stop trying to poison the minds of our youth with messages of equality and acceptance. And cease bringing all this gayness into our living rooms. If I come home and find my son doing a perfect Paso Doble with Carson Kressley’s patented flair, there will be hell to pay.

And where does it end? Perhaps Handy Manny gets a Manly Handy in a shady Sheetrock Hill back alley? Maybe Phineas and Ferb are more than just stepbrothers? And The Wiggles…well, I think they speak for themselves. Lord only knows the kind of nipple-twisting that goes on when Jeff the narcoleptic Wiggle passes out.

I’m gonna bottom line it for you ABC: Take these gays off the air!

It’s a well-known fact that TV and the entertainment industry is no place for homosexuals. And having them beamed into our homes is dangerous and deeply upsetting. Align yourself with God—with us Christians—and live in the light of the truth and His way. Because that is the only way we’ll leave you alone.

Until we, the denizens of One Million Moms, display our bigotry by needlessly latching onto the next non-issue that keeps us in the spotlight and validates our pathetic existence.

Warmest Regards,

Aaron Gouveia
Parent & definite non-gay