At first glance it might seem like politics and relationships are two words who live on opposite sides of a tangent. And one couldn’t be more wrong. Politics is embedded in every aspect of our lives. Among states, countries, and also in relationships. Did a glass shatter in your head, when you heard the last word? I know my glass bubble did shatter when this idea first came crashing into my brain. It’s a foreign feeling to relate two such adverse, independent concepts to each other in the most basic way possible. But when you think about it, really think about it, it seems as natural as breathing. In fact its the most common deduction of the equation between two very strong conceptual entities — LOVE AND POLITICS
Love is a fetal little concept. You can have someone at that first hello, or struggle through 25 years of marriage. It can make you cry like a baby while making you the happiest person on the planet. The power that this emotion ignites is unfathomable. And everyone strives for that power in a relationship, not deliberately but it sneaks up on you, the need to be the sole driving source for your relationship. And to achieve it all, what do you do? — You compete.
WHY IS EVERYTHING A COMPETITION TO YOU?
I have been subjected to receiving end of the above line from my partner way more times than I would like to admit. And my observation skills and some love statistics tell me many of you are in the same boat. When you are in a relationship, you inevitably want to be less vulnerable. Not because you are a narcissist but because you don’t want to give someone the power to hurt you. It is basic human nature. We try to shield ourselves from impudent threat physical or emotional is irrelevant to the theory. And when I realized that I was also a victim of this vast and obvious statistic, my moral compass went haywire and I tried to find a balanced answer to this big political-love dilemma —
Democracy
Isn’t it obvious? The biggest and fairest aspect of the world of politics is democracy and by extension, the same will apply here. I will try and use the analogy to explain the fundamentals of democracy to look through your relationship puddles.
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FREEDOM
“ YOU ARE ALLOWED TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, YOU KNOW WE ARE EQUALS.”
Ring a bell? Giving each other freedom doesn’t mean that you “let” them do what they want to do, it means that you know and acknowledge that you have no say in your partner’s actions. Yes, you do provide your best judgment when called upon. But you need to understand that you are no one to give permission. You do not owe each other sanctions or approvals. Not only is this applicable to your real-life but also social media. So many contemporary relationships struggle due to impending doom of “partner social-media stalking”, that it has become an obvious statistic of modern-day break-ups. So no stalking and no checking tagged friends. Give yourself and your partner the benefit of the doubt and trust each other.
“Freedom comes in individual packages.” — Shirley Boone
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CREATING SAFE ENVIRONMENT
“OPPOSITE’S ATTRACT.”
This must be the most common saying in love stories. And if you think this applies to your relationship, then this one is crucial for you. As conceptually opposite individuals, it’s just obvious that you have conflicting opinions regarding life. And frankly, it is not even necessary that you agree on everything. The only gist remains that both parties should feel that their relationship is a safe space. That even in a quarrel, you can voice your opinions. Create a space to co-exist, where you have abundant freedom of speech for your thoughts and words.
Harmony achieved via coexistence any day trumps one achieved with persistence.
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TRANSPARENCY
“LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND NOT TO RESPOND.”
I was subjected to the above words in an argument once. And I will be honest; at that moment, I hated this accusation the most. You know when you are in a fight, and someone points a finger at you and suddenly all logic is out of the window and the argument is about that “pointed finger”. Yes, this statement is the verbal equivalent of that said “pointed finger”.
But in retrospect, I know that this is the best advice to receive or give to anyone. As humans in a conversation, it is our tendency that we want to voice our take, and we are so invested to say our piece that we forget to actually hear what the other person has to offer. So next time when you are in a conversation/argument try to just listen, listen to understand not to respond. More often than not you will hear a lot more than you initially intended.
“We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.”― Zeno of Citium
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FOLLOW UP ON CAMPAIGN PROMISES
I DON’T TRUST WORDS, I TRUST ACTIONS.
I used to enjoy playing indoor games when I was young. While playing Taboo I used to love to confuse my teammate while giving clues. I knew it wasn’t in my best interest but I still used to love it. My perception was that it made the game more fun. I realize now, even then I used to enjoy giving mixed signals.
Mixed signals might make it more fun, but it is definitely not going to help you in the long run. So say your truth. Tell, what you want from your relationship. Communicate your opinions, needs, and act accordingly. Games are just that — games. They are not supposed to be your life stories.
“A mixed signal is a clear message, you are too good to be stuck in anybody’s grey area.” — Jeremy Ford.
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Brian McGowan on Unsplash
I cant promise you that if you do everything right then you will never have to deal with power struggles in a relationship, or you will never break up. People are complicated creatures, our mouth says one thing and the listener grasps another. The intent is always the key in any communication. So even though I can’t promise you relationship paradise I can vouch for one thing
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These attributes will make you a better, open, and reasonable human being and isn’t that alone worth it all?
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Previously published on “Hello, Love”, a Medium publication.
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Photo credit: Daniel Salcius on Unsplash
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