Do you have a healthy relationship with yourself? That’s one tough question to answer. It’s not even something most of us think about that often.
But it’s a question of prime importance now more than ever before. The systems, the people, the places that we relied on for so long are not really there for us anymore.
Take my example for instance. I am currently living with my parents.
My mother is a teacher who’s now taking classes online for the first time. She’s learning all the software and technology needed for the first time. She is ALWAYS working. Then, she’s taking care of the house and the food with which I help her in whatever capacity I can.
My brother graduated this year. He had a placement offer but the company revoked it during the pandemic. He’s now doing two internships as both of them are likely to give him an offer but none of them have given any confirmation. He wakes up at 6 every day for the 6 30 AM call and then works the entire day.
My dad has worked in the same company for over 21 years. He’s retiring from his role in September. So, this time for him is about trying to come to terms with the big change while figuring out what to do with all the time he has.
And I am a professional dancer and a writer who was used to spending at least 4 hours a day in the studio with other dancers, and the rest of the time working from the cafes. I am now taking all my classes online, which are a consolation, but definitely not the same with the limited space and all ‘virtual’ interactions.
As you can see, no one in my family is living their ‘ideal’ life right now. However, considering that we are all constantly stressed in our own ways, we’re living peacefully, helping each other out, sharing some laughs over meals, and looking out for each other in whatever ways we can.
The key is that we have all learned to rely on ourselves.
We’ve minimized or completely let go of any expectations from each other because we know that none of us has the mental capacity to offer it.
And, I guess that’s the way it’s for the entire world. The key to happiness and sanity now completely lies in self-reliance.
This is not to say that you can not find help and support from your family, friends, or the communities that you’re a part of. This just means that more and more people right now, are in a state of survival and suffering. They have limited mental resources and a reduced capacity to reach out to you and help you.
Everyone around us is struggling in their own ways. Be it work, finance, mental health, insomnia, weight gain, or loneliness — everyone is fighting their own personal battles right now.
What you really need right now are the resources that help you nurture and strengthen your relationship with yourself. So that YOU can be the one picking yourself up every time. And maybe with increased resilience and inner strength, even be the one helping others get back up on their feet.
Below, I’ve summarized the self-reliance strategies that really work well for me. I hope some of them help you on your journey.
1. Write Your Heart Out
More and more people feel alone during this time. We want to be heard. We want to be understood. But to be honest, true listening requires a lot of patience and mental resources. Perhaps, that’s why counselors charge you money to actually ‘listen’ to you.
It is important to remember that people in your life will often be incapable of truly listening to you or understanding you. What matters then is whether you can hear yourself and understand yourself.
Writing to me is therapy. It heals me. It puts things in perspective. I can rant, crib, and even cry my heart out without worrying about spreading any negativity or burdening the other person with my emotions. Sometimes the world is little too much to bear and we need an outlet. Writing is perhaps one of the best ones.
2. Cut Yourself And Others Some Slack
Perfectionists and the over-ambitious suffer the most during this time because of their inability to manage their own expectations with themselves. (I know it because I become like that from time to time.)
But I keep reminding myself that this time is about survival. And that I’ll never really find answers to my problems if I am in a firefighting mode. So, here’s what I do to cut myself some slack — I step back and let myself relax, make smaller to-do lists. I try to appreciate myself a lot more at the end of the day and be as kind as possible to myself and others.
Source-Unsplash
3. Rest
Most of us are very bad at this. We try to make something productive happen even out of our relaxation time. But doesn’t that backfire in the long run? Your avoidance of rest will ultimately result in outbursts, physical pain, mood swings, and all the things that might waste more time than what was required to rest well every day.
Rest means rest. Rest means that you allow your mind and your body to recuperate. You sleep enough and as many hours as your schedule allows you to. You don’t fool yourself when it comes to rest. And, remember that even thinking about what task to do next counts as work.
4. Accept sadness
You are going to feel sad, lost, and demotivated from time to time. Acceptance of these feelings makes it easier. Do not have the superhuman expectation of only feeling the best every day. Remember that the next day will be better. Everything is temporary.
5. Create New Systems
The idea of accepting sadness isn’t that you let yourself sulk for days and weeks. It’s about understanding that you are not at your best and then slowly and patiently trying your best to get back on your feet.
It can be the happiness from a small task accomplished, or a good home workout or yoga session, or a well-cooked meal that sets you on a path of feeling a little better. Sometimes, it’ll take a whole lot of these things to get you out of that low state. It perhaps helps to keep a mental list of such things handy.
What makes you feel better? You should know the answer and you should give yourself that time to time.
6. Take Responsibility For Your Energy
While attending dance classes in the studio, it was easier to get recharged by the vibe of the fellow dancers in the class. Now, it’s all me. I guess that’s how it is for people who are now working from home as well. We need to rely so much more on our own energy levels to get things done.
I avoid diving into the day before setting aside some time to energize myself in the morning. I follow a very simple 5-minute exercise of writing 3 things I am grateful for and 3 things I want to accomplish in the day. Then, I read a page or two from the book — The Power which reminds me to take control of my thoughts, my feelings, and my mood. It helps me set an intention for the day.
I still struggle but this simple practice is my daily reminder to work on my own energy level and intention. It helps me a lot.
7. Turn To Art For Comfort
During every challenging time in history, people have turned to art to find comfort. For our time, we’re lucky to have access to art in so many forms — music, great movies, TV shows, podcasts, and books. You’ll find answers to everything in art and even realize that suffering has always been a part of our existence.
What matters at the end of the day is our mindset, and how we choose to experience everything that is happening to us and around us. Want to see a wonderful example? Check out this article on Washington Post about some of the best artworks created during the lockdown.
Different things work for different people. It’s important that you find out what keeps you going when nothing feels right. You’ll be surprised to discover how much inner strength you have once you decide to rely on it and work on being more self-reliant than ever before.
This pandemic is teaching us this one thing for sure — and that’s self-reliance.
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