In a follow up to my previous article about why long distance relationships suck balls, I thought I’d explore the other side- why being very far away form my partner was actually the best.
Me and my (now ex-) girlfriend lived as far away as you possibly can from each other, we lived on different continents and had a 12 hour time difference. Although in many ways it was hugely inconvenient and we ended up breaking up, we were also both able to sustain a healthy, supportive relationship for almost 2 years.
Here’s why I think long distance relationships can actually be quite good:
Independence
If you’re both very independent people involved in your work and hobbies, you can both do what you need to without having to drag the other one along or make them compromise on their own goals.
For me, I was able to see my own friends, do what I wanted, and still have all the love and support of a partner. I could eat instant noodles at 2am with no judgement from her, and she could stay up til 4 working without me nagging her. Perfect.
You don’t lose yourself
It’s impossible to lose your own world into the other person’s. In order to survive any relationship, but especially in long distance, you have to have your own life.
You have to be able to spend time alone. You have to be able to process your own emotions and take responsibility for them. You have to have a support network outside of the relationship.
This is all made very clear when your partner is not within arm’s length.
Anticipation can be motivation
The anticipation of seeing your partner can almost be more exciting than actually seeing them. It can be hugely motivating and give you a sense of purpose that seeps into the rest of your life. I was always more productive at work and in my personal life the weeks prior to a reunion.
Introvert heaven
If you’re someone who values their alone time intensely, long distance really work in your favour.
Because of the time difference, there were only a few windows in the day we could both talk, and the rest was mine. I never had to worry about not spending enough time together, because we were already doing as much as was practical and possible.
Communication
Because you’re only had talking and texting, your communication becomes pretty darn good. For me and my ex, we both did our best to avoid making assumptions and tried to be as generous with each other as possible. We set boundaries early on. Most importantly, we were able to navigate our relationship with open and clear communication- even when it came to breaking up.
Dedication
Long distance relationships require a level of consistency and dedication that differs from face to face relationships. You learn what it is to be consistent, regardless of your own mood. I texted every day and every night, and she did the same. We always replied as soon as we could.
This idea of showing up and being present is all the more important when you can’t do so physically. Putting in the effort day after day was critical in making the relationship work.
Trust
If you can trust someone when you can’t see them, have no idea where they are and have nothing to go on but their word, then that’s trust baby. Long distance is an extreme test of trust, but if it’s there- it’s the real deal. One of the biggest gifts my long distance relationship gave me was an understanding that this level of security and sureness in another person is possible.
You know you like them for more than the physical stuff
Cos you ain’t getting any of it. You know that your connection consists of more than just thinking they’re a straight hottie, and you’ve decided to be together even though you can’t be physically close. You know that you value other traits like their good conversation and kindness over their ability to make out with you.
Long distance relationships are extremely difficult and there are obviously huge disadvantages. But as with anything, for every negative there is a positive.
I believe that every relationship is a worthwhile relationship, whether it works out or not.
So don’t let distance scare you off. If you’ve found someone who can make it work, and make it worthwhile, it can be truly amazing.
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Previously published on medium
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