By Button Poetry
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A.M. Pressman, performing at Rustbelt 2018 in Detroit, MI.
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:03
I don’t remember much guess that’s the
00:07
point during pregnancy a fog tends to
00:09
fall over the brain most folks keep
00:11
journalist Leah don’t forget any of it
00:13
the memories of my pregnancy come in
00:16
flashes my stomach a swamp
00:20
couldn’t smell eggs without gagging but
00:22
that’s the thing I never actually threw
00:24
up I was convinced that if I never threw
00:26
up that it couldn’t be morning sickness
00:28
so I couldn’t possibly be pregnant
00:29
denial is a hell of a drug I remember
00:34
calling him on the toilet I remember him
00:38
not picking up I remember going to the
00:42
Planned Parenthood in an uber I remember
00:45
the book I brought with me atoll among
00:47
sharks in the river I remember the laws
00:50
in Virginia anyone seeking an abortion
00:52
must at least 24 hours prior undergo a
00:54
transvaginal ultrasounds it was so cold
00:59
my toes curled up and screaming my hands
01:02
shaking as I held the book above my face
01:04
reading the same line over and over
01:07
again I say something to God but he’s
01:08
not a living thing I say something to
01:10
God but he’s not a living thing then our
01:11
saying if you can’t handle this how do
01:13
you expect to take the vacuum I say
01:14
something to God but he’s not a living
01:15
thing the laws in Virginia require that
01:19
the patient view of the ultrasounds I
01:22
held your photo in my hand in it
01:26
you looked so small I just kept saying
01:30
they look like a lentil a little bead of
01:32
light against a vast dark sky a little
01:37
star the furthest kind of fire I knew in
01:42
that moment that I loved you I knew in
01:45
that moment that I could not bring you
01:48
into this worlds I want to ask for your
01:52
forgiveness but I don’t know how my
01:54
friends tell me I have nothing to weep
01:56
over nothing to mourn and then nothing
01:59
is what really gets me
02:00
then nothing makes me a fruitless tree
02:02
all fallen flowers my arms are full of
02:05
empty I say something to God but he’s
02:06
not a living thing I say something to
02:08
you but you’re not a living thing and
02:09
maybe I’m not allowed to mourn something
02:11
that I chose to lose
02:14
but I remember the first dream I had
02:16
after the abortion in it I was ready I
02:22
held you in my arms your eyes were dark
02:27
and mine and your name spilled out of my
02:31
mouth Olivia Olivia my living thing
02:40
[Applause]
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This post was previously published on YouTube and is republished here under a Creative Commons license.
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Photo credit: Screenshot from video
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