Through 2020, a major epicenter of public health risk has been New York City. As residents, we’ve been under weeks of quarantine. We’ve been alone with ourselves, alone with our personalities and beliefs. It’s the kind of solitude that leaves us to feed on the good and bad, all the little thoughts one could escape from in the company of others.
The struggle to keep people distant brings with it a polar opposite. The damage we create as we re-open safely. People are starting to venture into the wild landscape of our concrete jungle. They’re frustrated by isolation. Many are irritable, worried and fearful about the uncertainty of their health or finances.
Whatever the individual stressor, collectively we’ve got plenty of reason to be exasperated by the physical restrictions. We’re rejoining society with new rules now too. Etiquette now dictates it’s considered polite to give space and wear a mask. Add those changes to the residual aggravation, and it’s only natural that tempers will flare.
I didn’t grow up in New York, I’m a transplant. And in my mind, the biggest potential for conflict lies in the most prominent off-putting behavior of the Big Apple’s homegrown inhabitants. New Yorkers seem to disregard even the simplest concept of personal space.
Maybe I’m not alone, but it’s an annoyance. As a new resident I sucked it up. But I’m not sure I ever completely adjusted. Rather, I eventually accepted it as an essential part of the New York experience. I had other experiences to draw from, I served in the Army. Several of my service years were spent in the Middle East. Through my service, and afterward, I’ve grown oversensitive to the guests of personal space. That service changed my awareness of my surroundings in a way that would help everyone cope with boundaries while adapting to today’s public health issues.
As early as basic training, military recruits are taught about situational awareness for their own safety. Respect for personal space is closely tied to survival and self-defense. That respect grew in Iraq, where I spent day in and day out working closely with the local population. We were constantly exposed. To prepare for that exposure, we trained to mitigate it. For days, weeks, months, we drilled awareness into ourselves and our teammates, until it became second nature. It was nonstop questions related to our personal space: where are you, where are your teammates, who else is in your personal bubble, what are your immediate surroundings.
Apparently, I’m one of many soldiers with far too much time exposed in those crowds. The constant threat of ambushes, suicide bombers, and improvised explosive devices gave way to chronic anxiety. These days, the awareness of my personal space is a symptom of PTSD called hypervigilance. I create personal space for my own comfort, out of a perceived lack of safety.
I live a “normal” life with PTSD because I run almost daily. Racing in marathons is part of the regimen that maintains my physical and mental health. I hate treadmills, and the gyms are closed now anyway. So I hit the streets for my daily dose of a runner’s high.
That’s where I touch a different culture, the New York running crowd. I keep my circle of running friends to a handful of genuine, big-hearted personalities I can smile and laugh with, and runners include a lot of really good people. But in the park, I cross the arrogant lot. They seem much more commonplace here in the city.
New Yorkers get pegged as the wolves of Wall Street. But it happens everywhere, I’ve experienced it in the military too. New Yorkers lead the stereotype as crass, narcissistic, money-hungry hustlers. In the park, they prefer to bark. Runners bump, shove, graze, elbow, and dress each other down over yielding right of way. You can include the obnoxious cyclists too. After serving with Rangers and SEALs, my instinct is an aggression they’d rather not draw out. I prefer quiet professionalism over dumb attempts at some sad sort of tough man competition anyway.
For runners, a little competitive divisiveness can be a healthy tool. But we now find our politicians forcing a tribal divisiveness into our everyday lives. And as we come together as people again, we need to do better. Life in public frees us from being alone with the thoughts and fears we couldn’t escape. But the same integration brings us face to face with the thoughts and fears others are trying to escape or validate. It’s important to stop ourselves from buying into the political blame and shame, or the people who manipulate fear and anxiety into xenophobia. Joining that thought club unmasks the dark underbelly of human nature. The fear and anxiety, the frustration and uncertainty, they divide us as neighbors, instead of tying us as groups connected by some sad primal fear.
We shouldn’t fear others. Especially now. We should be considering them, our neighbors, their families, our fellow Americans. But wearing a mask, and considering others is now being twisted into a political statement and a question of patriotism. We need to change the boundaries in our lives, we need more physical space and mental unity. And if we’re headed down the road of challenging patriotism, then let’s consider the ultimate patriots — America’s men and women who actually served.
New Yorkers claim to be tough, yet care about neighbors when it matters. The city’s full of these chest-thumpers, touting “New York Tough” and this 9/11 mentality. When the towers fell, this city cared for its neighbors. The world saw it. Well after 9/11, I was one of the few to stand up for New York. My friends and I were off to deployments to the Middle East. I’m not asking New Yorkers, or anyone else, for gratitude, acknowledgment, or a handout.
The time has come to adapt to your surroundings and circumstances. Accept that some space is ours, not yours. Start asking yourself who you share your personal space with. Learn to establish and respect boundaries. Just be a neighbor.
Spare a little respect and attention, for our country and community. As for me, I’m only asking for about six feet.
—
Previously published on “Equality Includes You”, a Medium publication.
—
***
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Talk to you soon.
—
Photo credit: istockphoto.com
.