Dear Stranger,
It’s cliché to say, but you didn’t reply. I hated myself for waiting and texting because the game rule has always been “why so serious?”. You encouraged people to reach out, but you also crushed people’s trust in you.
I got the blues for a few days, feeling dumb and silly. You said the short-haired and sporty girl is your cup of tea. You invited me to your place. Then you were gone. Shame was churning out of my stomach. Luckily it was just hundreds of text and a night.
As time passes, I now wear different glasses to see the encounter.
. . .
I learn to dig deeper
Why did you vanish nowhere? Maybe you are busy with work. Maybe you are hanging out with others.
Maybe you are simply not interested.
That’s okay, not everyone clicks at first glance…But how hard have you tried? In the digital era where messages flow like rockets, people are coded not to persist on one single thing. They connect with multiple people, talk on the surface and quit the chatroom fast. Easy-peasy.
Imagine the classmate you sat next to at school, you two are more likely to be close friends with the shared memories. Modern people are no longer willing to pay effort. They have too much to choose and too little to lose. The more they try, the more they crave. Commitment is thus underrated. You keep searching for the best, coolest people until one day you found that there isn’t “the perfect one”, but only one you dive into making the connection work.
Next time, before labelling someone as “boring” or “uncool”, I should first try to explore their interesting sides. Book by its cover won’t attract you, not until you read it. We are all rich, insightful books waiting for a reader too.
. . .
I would say no with respect
Many see silence as an easier way to escape from the guilt to apologise or reject. Flashing in were words you once said, about how girls no longer replied or not giving you hugs despite nights spent together.
Regardless of how people hurt or ignore you, do you want to treat others the way they treated you?
Our past shape our behaviours we aren’t aware of. The way people care about just themselves may transform you into a self-centred person. It becomes a norm to protect yourself. The bubble wraps around makes you unapproachable.
Kind or mean, we have a choice. Choose the one that is good for you. Random people can no way intervene where we go. We are what we speak.
If you want to refuse or deny someone next time, pluck up your courage. “You are one charismatic person, just that I don’t want to settle now/ you happen not to be my type after the talk. I believe you can find someone who deserves your love sooner or later.”
Appreciate others and confess your reasons. Don’t leave people to guess or bewilder. That’s how we treat people with respect. It works in any circumstances. At work, at school, in life.
. . .
I find love beyond romance
You only lived in my illusion, not the reality. Maybe it was the surging hormones or long-awaited fantasy, you happened to fall in the sweet spot. Sporty, multicultural, mature…My brain used you to fool myself. I missed having someone intimately connected with, feeling his warmth and listening to his wisdom. I let loneliness sneak in and swallow me for a bit.
Humans are emotional animals, some tend to lean on connections more. It’s a gift, to make you feel humane and present. There are multiple ways to fulfil the desire. Falling in love is one. Loving myself and people surrounded could be another.
I don’t need to kiss someone to feel love.
Meditating at 6 am gives me a sense of peace and calm. Running along the harbour under orangish-red lining feels good. Teaching adorable kids during the weekend melts my heart. Asking my sister “do you miss me?” after work makes me smile.
Gratitude and kindness to ourselves and others are the love languages we can use anytime, anywhere.
. . .
I appreciate small little things
It was a good night. We talked about days travel abroad, what we like about sports, your love stories and such. The breeze, the spectacular view and the “special whisky cocktail” you crafted were a true pleasure. I remember you said it was the second-best weather you had in life. I wish you could embrace more such moments.
Oh and that movie “Chungking Express”. I still couldn’t believe an ex-pat recommended me this old local film. It is a nice one.
Somehow everything comes with an expiry date. Swordfish expires. Meat sauce expires. Even cling-film expires. Is there anything in the world which doesn’t?
– Cop 223, Chungking Express
One Life, One Encounter. We are indeed lonely planets accompany one another at some point in life. We seize the moment. Expired or not, at least we put our heart into it. I’m grateful for the flowers and butterflies.
. . .
Everyone in life, whether you met for a few seconds or a lifetime, has a role to play. They made you mad, excited or inspired. Every piece of puzzle exists for a reason.
Despite the mere hours we spent together, I gain something. Discover the light of people with patience, reject with respect, love myself & others a little more, live in the moment.
Thank you & all the best,
A Passerby
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Photo credit: Unsplash
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