In an ideal household, Father’s Day is the customary, time-honored day to thank Dad for his hard work, for the way he imparts wisdom, for his support and protection of his family, and for how he loves his children.
Unfortunately, in the less-than-ideal household—the “broken home”—it’s an awkward day, especially if the father doesn’t have much of a relationship with his kids for the rest of the year. He’s divorced from or was never married to the mother, and for whatever reason, he isn’t allowed to help raise his children. He’s just some guy who happens to be the father.
This year has been an instructive year on the role of fathers. With the coronavirus upon us and a stay-at-home order in effect for most of spring, families leaned on fathers: Perhaps the father has an essential job, driving the truck delivering food, toilet paper, and personal protective equipment. If so, he still has a steady paycheck while the mother may have lost her job or seen her hours diminished.
Conversely, the mother may have a job in health care, working 12 or more hours a day, with no days off, for weeks at a time, and she doesn’t want to come home and risk infecting her children—so Dad steps in as the caretaker. In some cases, the mother caught COVID-19 herself and died, leaving Dad as the surviving parent.
It suffices to say that the pandemic has strained families in many ways, especially young families with children, and especially blue-collar families whose income depends on hours worked, typically on-site. Fathers who could be brushed aside during normal times are now “essential” for the upbringing of the children, as caretakers, as home-schoolers, and as sources of activity and entertainment. I hear that many fathers who ordinarily have to fight to be a part of their children’s lives are now having these responsibilities thrust upon them, and they’re doing a great job.
Who knew fathers could be so valuable?
Actually, I knew, and I’ve known for years. Research shows that children raised with little or no paternal involvement are more likely to do worse in school, have poorer health outcomes, and are more likely to become crime victims or offenders. But that sounds so clinical. What’s really missing when children and their dad are kept apart is love, and these days we’re seeing fathers and children enjoying each others’ company and sharing and expressing that love in measures they never knew before the coronavirus struck.
The question, as it relates to this and a host of economic, social, and political issues, is what will we have learned, if anything, when this is over? As we return to normal, will we revert to minimizing divorced and unmarried fathers? Or will we have a proper revelation and see the value these men bring to the raising of their children, and see the pride it brings them to be active in their children’s lives?
I will only briefly belabor the legislative agenda I’ve written about previously: We need a law in Illinois that starts custody hearings with the presumption that equal shared custody is in the best interest of the child, and we need some measure of child support accountability so that a parent paying child support can be assured that the child is the beneficiary, and if not, the court can take action.
Other than that, this is a subject for society: Will we recognize than a divorced or unmarried man who’s interested in his children’s health, education, safety, extracurricular activities, and moral and religious development isn’t just some nosy ex who’s up to no good, but is, in fact, a caring, concerned and loving father, who wants his kids to love him too?
If we can, I foresee a great benefit to the children of this and subsequent generations. Now, get the Old Man a beer, wish him a happy Father’s Day, and let him enjoy time with his kids. After what they’ve been through the last few months, they’ve earned it.
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