Fear is loud.
Fear is invasive.
Fear is contagious.
But that’s only with my help.
If a fearful thought entered my mind, I had two choices:
- Let that feeling grow and act on it.
- Thank it for its input and not act on it.
I often chose the former.
Without knowing so, I let her control my life, so I decided to take control of her instead. I changed my perspective and started to think of Fear as my Health and Safety Director and this helped me to see things with more clarity and objectively.
I imagined making decisions that were based on love.
I dared myself to try new things for the possibility of success, considering any undesired consequences to be nothing more than a lesson learned.
The worst-case scenarios are not usually that bad.
It’s the idea of failure that seemed to overwhelm me without really understanding what it would look like in real life. I was so hard on myself I thought if I failed at something, then I was weak.
But when I specifically thought of and broke down all the possibilities of negative outcomes, it was obvious that they weren’t that bad at all. It’s the overall idea that’s daunting because we don’t think through the worst-case scenarios, we just see doom through the Fear lens.
Photo by Bruce Christianson on Unsplash
Think of this – if a toddler tries to walk and falls down, he’ll get back up because his goal hasn’t changed — he wants to walk. He won’t decide walking is not for him!
A simple fall to a toddler is more often than not a simple fall to adults – but the idea of falling as an adult comes with fears of breaking bones and spraining ankles.
How many times have you clumsily tripped and fallen?
How many times have you actually really hurt yourself?
Unless you have brittle bones more often than not the most we’ll get is a small cut or bruise.
And of course, adults get back up too. So we need to think in the same way when making decisions.
. . .
Love is loud. Love is invasive. Love is contagious.
My Chief Operations Officer
Many of us are constantly put off making changes because we literally see the “bad” outcomes through a magnifying glass. It’s crazy how throughout my life I haven’t done so many things for fear of sucking at it. But how is that better than never knowing what could have been?
This is where my COO now comes in.
The COO takes into account risks and returns in a company. I treat Love as my COO. She’s the helpful employee who has ideas that are pleasurable and fulfilling (profitable), and the one who actually implements them. When I choose to do something out of love, I automatically feel motivated and usually, I become more creative. I’ve never felt like a creative person in my life, yet when I write I see it as art.
I get a kick out of it and then I’m in a good mood for the rest of the day. My Chief Operations Officer is running a business that is my life and giving me the return of invigorating pleasure and happiness. My husband cannot shut me up if he asks me what I wrote about.
Love magnifies what good I have.
Warning — corny stuff is coming. Bear with me.
In the same way we see bad stuff through a magnifying glass, we can see the good with it too. And once you start, love only grows.
Loving everything I have sets me on a path to getting more of what I love.
I took for granted my loved ones, my home, my friends and myself. I don’t mean I was nasty or dismissive of what I had in my life, I just didn’t acknowledge my love for it all enough.
I literally set time to think about the things I love now because it keeps me focused and it stops me from taking anything for granted again — including the oxygen I breathe.
You could think of it as exaggerating your feeling of love for the stuff you find important.
Loving over the top is actually how you’re supposed to love.
When I show love to what I already have, I receive more of what I want and love
I didn’t think I had time to write yet now I write every single day without fail because I show love for it.
I didn’t think I’d have time to read but now I read every day without fail and it’s inspiring.
I didn’t think I’d have time to walk 5k a day but now I do without fail and I love it. I get excited about my daily walks.
I didn’t think I could lose weight but here I am, 16lb lighter than 4 months ago. And I’ve not drastically changed my diet.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
It’s nothing new. But to believe it you need it drummed into you. God knows I read so much about self-love before I truly started practicing it.
Photo by Hans-Peter Gauster on Unsplash
My decision-maker
Making decisions based around love is actually harder than it seems if you’re not used to it. Like many things, it takes practice. It takes a hell of a lotta practice if you’re normally indecisive *because* you feel fearful, like me a couple of years ago.
For example, I found it very difficult to explore my writing for fear of it not being read. I put off publishing anything for months. But that does not take away my love for writing. If nobody read my articles I wouldn’t suddenly stop loving writing.
I don’t lose anything if you don’t read my posts. It doesn’t mean my desire isn’t there for people to read my writing — but I’m prepared for the worst-case scenario which is not that bad because it’s writing that I love more. Most importantly – it’s not threatening anyone’s life. As long as I love writing, I will continue writing.
And look at this, I believed you would read this and here you are!
My COO reminds me day-to-day that fear does not make the decisions here, she only reports on real threats and dangers — which are rare.
I only make a decision when I’m feeling good as I know Love is helping me here. Being fearful or angry can make one impulsive and irrational, which leads to bad decision-making. I do not want any negativity surrounding me when I’m making a decision.
This is the process I have learned to follow:
- I really want to try X, but the idea of failure makes me fearful.
- My COO reminds me I will either get X or not, but either way, I will gain experience.
- I decide to aim for X, believe I can do it, and 99% of the time I achieve it.
- The 1% of the time I do not, I have still gained experience.
- I’ll get X another time or maybe Y will come along instead.
No matter what, I have gained something whether I reached my goal or not. Firstly, simply changing my attitude when I’m decision-making can truly alter the results, I kid you not. And when you don’t get what you aimed for, the result you do get isn’t bad.
So it’s a win-win.
. . .
Love yourself
This is why I say Love is misunderstood. I think a lot of us, including myself, have not considered that love for ourselves is more important than anything.
There is a very fine line between self-love and selfishness.
Self-love harms nobody and it’s healthy.
But I think self-love can be misinterpreted.
Someone who doesn’t practice self-love may see the concept as alien and make them feel uncomfortable. If someone is telling you you’re selfish for doing what makes you happy and you’re not harming yourself or anybody else, then that person may just need some guidance to self-love too. Send them the link to this article!
The saying “charity starts at home” applies with love. I cannot possibly love freely and genuinely without loving myself first.
I’ve always put others before me because I love to serve. But it was exhausting because I did not do things for me. I have burnt out so many times over the years just because I’ve not looked after myself. So I deliberately give myself more time every day to do what I love.
The more love I give myself, the more love I want to give others. Then, I feel more loved in return. The negativity I once felt around others before either disappeared or just wasn’t so present. This only motivates me to do what I want more!
Love in = love out
Cheesy AF, but it’s true.
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This post was previously published on Change Becomes You and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Photo credit: Unsplash
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