We all have calendars. And schedules. And cell phone reminders.
At one time or another we’ve probably taken over the bathroom mirror with Post-It notes.
Or we may have installed reminders on our web browser.
Or asked our friend or significant other to text us to keep us motivated.
I’ve been there.
Most of us are either there now or have been there at one time or another trying to figure out why we can’t seem to achieve our goals we set for ourselves even with the dozen reminders we have in place.
It’s easy to shift blame when things don’t go our way or when our motivation dips by blaming technology glitches or our boyfriend for forgetting to text his daily reminder.
All this does is limit accountability — we’re accountable for setting, tracking and mastering our own goals.
Not our partner.
Not technology.
Not the bathroom mirror.
The Biggest Excuses
We’ve probably heard it all before with words like motivation and mindset as critical for setting and achieving goals. And, quite frankly, they do have their place in goal setting. We’re probably also familiar with feeling overwhelmed or frustrated when our goals aren’t being reached as quickly as we want them to be, so we wind up shelving our goals instead of conquering them.
And, then the excuses start.
“I didn’t have time.”
“I got bored.”
“I found an easier way.”
“I’m over it.”
Quite honestly, reasons like work, family, our significant other, and adulting are valid reasons as to why we sometimes don’t get our goals going as quickly or consistently as we’d hoped to. Sometimes achieving our goals takes a back seat with everything else going on in our lives.
And, sometimes heading out on that road trip to the Badlands with my boyfriend is going to take a front seat over hitting the gym for 2-hours a day.
It’s just the way the world works.
Hitting a road trip instead of hitting the treadmill…happens.
Trading the diet for the burger…happens.
And, getting bored of our goals…happens.
The Power of Analysis
However, there are a few key factors to keep in mind when setting goals, to ensure you are going to achieve them with less trade-offs and less boredom and more goal mastery.
The first thing to do when analyzing why you aren’t reaching your goals is to make sure you’re looking at things objectively. The fact that it’s your goal already puts a spin on it and skews it, meaning you lose objectivity in the process. No matter how objective you try to remain, objectivity will be lost if you’re trying to analyze and track your own goals.
The fact is, it can be tough to remain objective on something you’re passionate about or that you are mentally, physically, financially or emotionally invested in.
In the field of Behavior Analysis, goals are one of many commonly set objectives. We take many things into consideration such as where you are in your life, where you want to be, baseline and then track progress in a quantifiable way, until each goal is reached and mastered.
Geek rant aside, it basically means that the more data provided, the faster and more achievable goals can be.
For example, let’s say you want to write a book. So, the biggest a-ha! goal is obviously going to be to get writing every day. But this is really only one small part in achieving an ultimate goal with writing a book.
Smaller goals need to be considered and added as well including things such as when you get up in the morning, how long you write, how you’ve organized and structured your writing, data collection on all of it, etc. Only then can a goal become quantifiable enough to actually be reached, and most importantly, mastered as being fully achieved.
Let’s consider common excuses that we’ve probably all used at one time or another and how these excuses can be shaped to help reach our goals.
Not Enough Time. Well, life’s not fair. We have obligations. We have responsibilities and we have things we don’t want to do, but have to dedicate time to doing. One of the biggest excuses I hear is that there just isn’t enough time in the day. And, while our days are busy handling things we have to deal with, it doesn’t give much time (or excuse) for things we want to deal with, but don’t have the time.
See the conundrum?
The solution is to start out small with adding a few minutes every day (or hour, etc.) into reaching a goal and move your schedule accordingly, over time. If your goal is to be more active, take the stairs every day. Every time. NO excuses. And build from there.
If your goal is to be more mindful and less angry, start out meditating for a minute during your break at work or lunch with your eyes closed, just focusing on the present (much harder than it sounds) and build your time from there.
You Make Your Goals Too Long-Term. Another common error with goal setting is looking at the main goals without considering the time and steps needed to achieve them. For example, let’s say you want to complete a Master’s degree and already have your Bachelor’s. Awesome goal to set, but realistically, you have to look at how many classes are required for the Master’s degree, how long each semester is, how many classes you can realistically take while juggling work, significant other, life, etc. to make sure you can stay motivated and on track in reaching your goal.
Just because a program says something like you can get your Master’s degree in 12 months, that’s not always realistic when you add in your life situation and responsibilities.
You’re Stuck. Boredom and discouragement will set in when trying to reach a goal. This is just how it goes. Say, for example, you’re wanting to lose 15 pounds and hit a plateau for the last 3 weeks. That alone can be demotivating and make you throw in the towel. That’s why it’s important to track data consistently and make changes often to continue reaching your goal. This may include changes in diet, changes in exercises done, changes in duration, or other things, depending on your situation.
Yet, the number #1 reason we tend to screw ourselves out of our goals — regardless if they’re internal goals such as wanting to be less angry or less depressed, or if they’re external goals such as increasing professional achievements is…..
Self-sabotage
A part of self-sabotage is our inner critic. We all have an inner critic. And, depending on how much of an asshole your inner critic is, that voice may be aggressively destroying your happiness or it may be more subtle. Our inner critical voice is the voice of sabotage, the voice of self-destruction, the voice of non-reason. It doesn’t want to see you happy or in love, or successful. Its goal (no pun, intended) is to make sure you don’t reach yours.
Most often, the inner critic was conditioned in us from an early age and most of us probably weren’t even consciously aware it was happening. If your sister or dad ragged on you or micromanaged your work or made you feel inferior, your inner critic may have taken on their voice, replaying what they said over and over in your head.
And, it can stick.
In time, the voice may change to your own voice telling you the same things your dad or sister said, and each time life throat punches you, the voice “reminds” you that you somehow deserved it.
And, believe it or not, this inner critic is the #1 reason why we destroy amazing relationships, walk out of satisfying jobs, shoot ourselves in the foot in reaching our goals, and choose to settle instead of choosing to thrive.
For example, let’s say you’re up for a promotion at your job. You are pumped, excited and giving 100%. Then, that masochistic voice in your head may start planting a seed that your boss is wanting to give the promotion to another coworker. In time, if you keep believing your inner critic, you may choose to step down from being considered for a promotion or even quit your job.
Or, let’s say you gained some self-awareness and have set a personal goal in wanting to be more authentic or vulnerable in your relationships or less critical of your partner’s shortcomings. If you listen to that inner critic, in time you will probably start putting up more emotional and mental walls in your relationship while starting to see more shortcomings with your partner, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of sabotaging your relationship.
The Inner Critic & Goals
Because of the way we are hardwired, usually from early conditioning, our inner critic is often part of us. So, any goals that we set for ourselves need to pass through our inner critic.
The result?
Sabotage.
The solution?
Target the inner critic as your first goal making sure that any goals you set are aligned with changing how you interpret or choose to respond to your inner critic.
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Previously published on medium
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Photo credit: @stilclassics/Unsplash
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