As we grow older and wiser, we will inevitably hear things that are at odds with what we learned as children. When these old habits and beliefs are brought into question, our natural instinct is to fight the new information in order to preserve our own egos. If we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable and accept that we might be in the wrong, then we open the door to tons of important personal growth.
The tricky part about this growth, however, is that it is often accompanied by a great deal of discomfort. The greater the gap between what you used to believe and what you are learning, the more likely this learning is to be accompanied by growing pains. While ultimately a good thing, this “emotional Osgood-Schlatter” (“cognitive dissonance” sounds boring) can often serve as enough of a deterrent that people double down and cling harder to their old beliefs. We see this in everything from LGBTQ rights discussions to mask-wearing debates — people do not want to admit that they were in the wrong because it can be embarrassing, confusing, and uncomfortable.
With this in mind, we need to encourage this discomfort and normalize the admission of guilt. Rather than pretending we were all born omniscient and equanimous, we should recognize that everyone has their own journey to enlightenment. You cannot reach your individual end-goal without the path in between (h/t intermediate value theorem), and this will always come with headaches and heartaches.
As the world around you changes, do your best to change with it. Expect to be challenged and get used to apologies. They are signs of maturity and humility, and they make you a better person.
The ideas I had in college were infinitely better than what I believed in high school, but they are still nowhere near where they are now. And in two years, I will read this column and cringe. We are all works in progress — embrace the growing pains.
—
.