Why don’t straight men like anal sex? Maria Pawlowska’s answers might surprise you.
Here’s a superficially odd question: what do dildos, social constructs of gender, and homophobia have in common? Well actually, the last two are the major reason for which the aforementioned sex toy doesn’t get much love from heterosexual males (for use on themselves, that is).
Male anal sex—particularly heterosexual—is a bit of a taboo topic. Most of us liberals have sort of gotten our heads around the idea of what gay man supposedly do in bed (although really we should assume it’s just about as varied as what heterosexuals do, right?) but the idea of anal penetration of a heterosexual man by his female partner is still considered anything from unnatural to outright disgusting and wrong. Now, I’m fully aware that anal sex is not everybody’s proverbial cup of tea, but there are good physiological reasons for men to potentially enjoy anal sex—the “theoretical basis” is at least as strong as for anal sex performed on females which is decidedly less taboo. The prostate gland is highly sensitive and it is possible for men to achieve orgasm solely through its stimulation. And what’s an easy way to access the prostate gland…? Yup, you probably guessed—through receptive anal intercourse.
So why is it that most (heterosexual) men give up on the possibility of mind-blowing orgasms without much consideration and just decide anal penetration is a definite “no-go?” (According to the Centers for Disease Control’s National Survey of Family Growth less than 40% of men engage in heterosexual anal sex.) Obviously, for some men this is just personal preference—they can’t see themselves liking it and fair enough. But for many this attitude may be the result of deeply ingrained gender stereotypes and socially-induced homophobia (yes, even in those really liberal guys who—on a conscious level—have absolutely nothing against homosexuals and loudly advocate for gay marriage). There’s a difference between being intellectually completely accepting of other people’s sexual choices and being open to exploring things, which our culture teaches us are wrong when naked—i.e. just about as vulnerable as it gets.
And although things are definitely looking up, whatever else anyone says, our culture is still homophobic to a considerable degree. Not caring about other people’s sexuality is on its way to becoming the new normal, but we still have a long way to go, that’s for sure. And until we get there male homosexuality will get the brunt of the homophobia. The social “invisibility” of female homosexuality has to a certain degree resulted in less stigmatization. (It’s also because lesbianism is treated less seriously and more often dismissed as “just a phase.”) What’s more, “butch” lesbians “masculinize” their appearances—they may seem “odd” but as Madonna sang back in 2001:
Girls can wear jeans
And cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots
‘Cause it’s OK to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
‘Cause you think that being a girl is degrading
Consequently, lesbians bring up fewer negative connotations and pop-culture tends to over-sexualize them, but gay men are typically portrayed as anything from unappealingly “effeminate” to obscene and perverted. And, invariably, anal sex is thought to be one of the major sexual activities that men who have sex with men engage in. Because of the different ensemble of sexual organs in women, male anal penetration has become nearly synonymous with gay sex.
According to heteronormative societal standards, there are a number of issues with men being gay, many of which can be boiled down to the fact that they are seen as giving up (at least partially) their well-deserved male privileges and becoming more “like women.” Behaviors judged as “female” may involve anything from tight-fitting clothes through to personal grooming and “girly interests” in fashion as well as… sexual submissiveness. Particularly this last bit is a serious issue for some. Being the “passive” partner in a sexual relationship is traditionally reserved for women. And women, traditionally, have it generally worse off (yay for the Equal Pay Act—too bad women on average still earn only 70 cents to the man’s dollar). Now, why would anyone want to give up their sexual privileges—become passive and like gay men/women—and actually be the penetrated partner when men are endowed with the wonder of the penis and therefore should be the active partner? The superiority of the “active” vs. “passive” partner goes back to ancient Greece when older and powerful men took lovers whom they had sex with but were never penetrated by— there was a clear connection between sexual activity and societal status. Overall, the message men get is basically this: society doesn’t think that being gay is such a great thing -> gay men have anal sex -> enjoying anal penetration can make you (seem) gay -> that’s a bad thing.
And so we’re back to the dildo—believe it or not, but according to research in this area most heterosexual men exclude the possibility of using dildos precisely because they don’t want to act “gay” and be “passive.” It’s got nothing to do with what they like or dislike in bed (mostly because they don’t know if they do if they haven’t tried it). It’s more illogical and subconscious than a superficial sexual preference. Heterosexual men’s deep-seated aversion to this form of sex-play is mostly the result of what society has taught us about sex and gender roles and not what our bodies might enjoy. Whether you like it or not, most of the time there really is way more than just you and your partner(s) in the bedroom.
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photo by stagshop and fabrisalvetti / flickr
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Hi Maria
I have enjoyed every single bit of this blog thank you!
Henry
I am 42 years old married man who never liked guys but only girls and women. Still, I practiced anal masturbation in some periods of my life. I started 15 yo and in following years, when I was without girlfriend I was returning to that old habit but not without enormous guilt. I thought I was gay but and was ready to accept it if only I didn’t realize I don’t like other guys – I was not able to fall in love with them, I didn’t like their bodies and simply, the idea of having sex with them was… Read more »
I’ve always said that every man should try it. Perhaps more women would like to give it to their partners than they admit
ok my take. I have tryed anal both active and passive (no Im not gay, and no im not homophobic either), and sadly it wasent for me. But the majority of guys I spoke to is quite open for the experience. Contrary to a large number of women, who are not intersted or disliked it. About culture, well yes I do agree in femmephobia and homophobia. But I dont think its always the case and I dont think they hould be used as universal concepts to describe the unvillignes of some people to go anal or adding some tradtional or… Read more »
Hi, just wanted to say, I enjoyed this post. It was practical.
Keep on posting!
My boyfriend and I love anal sex, giving and receiving both. We use a nice vegan anal lube and wear gloves. We haven’t worked our way up to penile/strap-on dildo penetration though that is our goal. When we do we will use condoms however. One thing that I like about it is that it allows both of us to experience the act of penetrating/being penetrated so the experience is something we can both relate to a more similar way. I love oral and vaginal (I’m a woman) as well and I don’t think I’d want to have to pick one… Read more »
I am disgusted by the disregard people have for one another. This thread turned into a public display of insult and injury. A lot of healthy, straight men enjoy some anal stimulation. Some healthy straight men enjoy having their asses fucked vigorously. The same is true of straight women, and lesbians, and gay men. Not everyone likes anal sex. But, a lot of people do. Doing it right is quite safe. But, using a steak knife as a fork is bad practice, and forcing anal sex on a partner that is not interested or ill-prepared is bad practice. Anal cancer?… Read more »
Right on, Clay!
I would like to point out that it’s not just men’s attitudes that go into play, but their partners as well. How many women are just wishing for their husbands to lighten up so they can finally peg them? Probably not a lot. I’m in a hetero marriage, but it’s complicated by the fact that I’m also attracted to men. My wife knows this and is threatened by that fact. This dynamic hinders both of us from engaging in anal play (on my anus, anyway). While we may be a special case, I can imagine that similar ideas affect more… Read more »
To all you skeptical men reading this: Try it, you’ll like it. The pleasure of being pegged by a woman you love – with her finger(s) or a good toy – can be nothing less than mind-blowing. There is the prostate stimulation and there is the playing with and reversing roles: getting fucked vs. doing the fucking. It needn’t be rough and you must use proper lubricant, but the results are, in a word, memorable.
According to the “The American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons” website:
“Persons who participate in anal sex are at an increased risk of anal cancer.”
I’ve heard that anal cancer is memorable albeit not all that mind-blowing.
I think I’ll pass.
You know what else can cause cancer? Sunlight. Sunscreen. Antiperspirants. Cellphones. Talcum powder. And tobacco. Alcohol, unsafe sex of any kind. And even some of the safe kinds… If cancer is your only reason, or best reason, for not experimenting with anal sex, there’s a whole host of other things you should probably be avoiding……
These guys are hiding behind health risks, there is more to it than that, for them.
As I have said, that’s not my only reason but, the fact that it increases the odds of getting cancer simply confirms that, for me, I have absolutely made the right choice. Cellphones: Urban legend. But, I still use a wired ear bud almost 100% of the time. Tobacco: Never in my life have I. Not a single puff/drag. Alcohol: Wine consumed in moderation is known to have health benefits. Still, I very seldom consume alcohol. I consume, on average, perhaps one glass of wine or can of beer every 3-6 months. (I just never developed much of a taste… Read more »
You distort the facts to support your prejudice. The risk of anal cancer associated with anal sex is almost entirely due to the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV), a sexually transmitted infection. HPV is avoidable. Thanks for telling us over and over about your ‘lovely wife’. Noone could possibly suspect you of being a closet-case who dwells too much on what others do in the bedroom, would they?
“You distort the facts to support your prejudice. The risk of anal cancer associated with anal sex is almost entirely due to the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV), a sexually transmitted infection.” WRONG. Every statement I make is 100% factual. I fact check before posting. Try it sometime. From the American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons’ website regarding anal cancer. “Anal sex – Persons who participate in anal sex are at an increased risk.” “Avoid anal sex and infection with HPV and HIV.” From http://www.cancer.org: “Receptive anal intercourse also increases the risk of anal cancer in both men and women,… Read more »
Can you not read? Check your own sources properly instead of pulling selective quotes. It’s the HPV, not the physical act of sodomy, that increases the risk of anal cancer. You’re a fool and a bigoted troll. I don’t care either way whether you’re gay, straight, happy or sad. I think you’re a sad moron and i’m hugely thankful I’m nothing like you.
“Can you not read?” Very well, in fact. Question: Where are your facts? Answer: You have none. You said: “You’re a fool and a bigoted troll.” I quoted the Mayo Clinic and National Cancer Society and you have only called names and fought for men to take cancer causing anal sex, and attacked heterosexual men. It’s clear which one of us is the fool and bigot, and it’s not me. “I think you’re a sad moron and i’m hugely thankful I’m nothing like you.” I’m the happily married father of two cute little girls and you’re the creepy guy on… Read more »
My facts? From American Cancer Society: Worldwide in 2002 there were an estimated 30,400 new cases of anal cancer.[2] With approximately equal fractions in the developing (15,900) and developed (14,500) countries.[2] An estimated 90% (27,400) were attributable to HPV. From the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Centre: Receptive anal intercourse, whether male or female, increases the chances of anal cancer sevenfold due to Human papillomavirus. I’m not trying to convince men to do anything – you equate people saying anal sex is normal and natural with people saying ‘everyone must do it’. I first came on here to dispute some of… Read more »
Again, you have no facts. Your “facts” don’t show that anal sex increases the risk of anal cancer BECAUSE of HPV. It shows that it increases the risk even further. But, it also shows that anal sex increases the risk of transmitting the HPV virus. So, anal sex, is a loser all around, proving that it’s an unnatural act. You are the one twisting the data. “I’m not trying to convince men to do anything – you equate people saying anal sex is normal and natural with people saying ‘everyone must do it’.” You are trying to convince men to… Read more »
Sorry pal, facts are facts. Do what you want but you won’t change the facts, as per the Mayo Clinic and National Cancer Society. If you want medical facts, see a medical site, such as the Mayo Clinic and National Cancer Society, as I referenced.
So I give you the facts you ask for but they’re not good enough. As I asked before, can you not read? What about “receptive anal sex increases risk of anal cancer DUE TO HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS” do you not understand? Or are facts only facts when they support your position? Following your logic, vaginal intercourse is also crazy dangerous because deadly diseases can also be transmitted that way. You are indeed a bigot because you repeatedly state that sexual practices that differ to yours are “unnatural” and “unhealthy” (can you back that up with facts?). You think that all things… Read more »
Do you seriously want to compare vaginal sex with anal sex as being equally natural? Which one mixes fecal matter and sex? Which lubricates naturally to accommodate penetration, the vagina or the anus? Which one is most likely to transmit STD’s vaginal sex or anal sex? From the UK’s National Health Service: “Anal sex has a higher risk of spreading STIs than many other types of sexual activity. This is because the lining of the anus is thin and can easily be damaged, which makes it more vulnerable to infection.” From the Canadian Public Health Service “The receiving partner is… Read more »
Don’t distort my words. I didn’t compare vaginal & anal sex as equally natural. I said if one followed YOUR logic re anal sex and anal cancer, all sexual interaction is dangerous and unhealthy because it all potentially allows the transmission of disease. You’re like a dog with an anal bone aren’t you? Just won’t let go. I pity you.
Your entire argument that anal sex is natural is a distortion. And, I’m not the one into bones and anal. Pun intended. Pity me all you want but I’m not the one at risk of having to get fitted for a colostomy bag fighting anal cancer because of my sex practices.
You’re the one following me around. You weren’t even a part of this thread. Do us both a favor and just don’t respond.
Moron, you do realise that heterosexual (vaginal) sex is the greatest transmission vector fo HIV in the world today, don’t you? You know why I’ll never take you seriously? Because I’ve been a safe and sensible practising sodomite for decades and I’ve never been incontinent or had a disease. IN fact, on the several times I”ve been for tests, I’ve talked about my sexual practices with the doctors at the sexual health clinic and I”ve been told if more people were like me, they’d have less infections to deal with. You have absolutely no experience in the subject you seem… Read more »
“Moron, you do realise that heterosexual (vaginal) sex is the greatest transmission vector fo HIV in the world today, don’t you?” Well, yes. But heterosexual vaginal sex is probably the most common kind of sexual congress. Most sexually transmitted diseases are probably transmitted that way because that is the most frequent way humans have sexual contact. That does not mean that the act itself is the most risky or the most likely to transmit disease. Suppose Sex Act A has a 10% chance of spreading disease, but 5,000 people are doing it, and Sex Act B has a 50% chance… Read more »
People of character who have intelligent, rational arguments don’t stoop to name calling. From the Wikipedia “Safe Sex” article: “Anal sex is a higher risk activity than vaginal intercourse because the thin tissues of the anus and rectum can be easily damaged.” “Anal sex carries with it a much greater risk of passing on sexually transmitted diseases than vaginal sex, as the anal sphincter is delicate tissue and the chances of a small tear occurring are much higher, which also provides more opportunity for diseases.” “The risk of injury to the receptive partner due to anal intercourse is many times… Read more »
Eric, you seem to be deliberately missing or distorting my point, which is that any unsafe sex carries the kinds of risks you only attribute to anal sex. Megaladon makes some very sound points (in fact, I’m starting to find his intelligence a little intimidating) but do you know what you are, Eric? You’re a homophobe who’s obsessed with anal sex, which makes you one of the more pitiful creatures to walk this earth.
And as I said, Eric, I don’t care who does or doesn’t choose to engage in buttsex. That’s every individual’s choice and none of my business. What I object to is uninformed ideologues like you spreading fear based on misinformation and telling other people what they should and shouldn’t do in the bedroom. Sodomy has existed for as long as human society has. It’s been recorded in numerous cultures and civilisations from the dawn of history, and the world hasn’t stopped turning yet. You’re a self-righteous fool who thinks that your values are the only right values. You deserve to… Read more »
“The risk of injury to the receptive partner due to anal intercourse is many times higher than that due to vaginal sex.[36] Also, the risk for transmission of HIV is higher for anal sex than for vaginal sex.”
YOU FABRICATED THIS QUOTE, ERIC M.
It’s appears nowhere on the Wikipedia Safe Sex article. You’ve been caught out twice now spouting misinformation as fact. You’ve shown what kind of a person you are – a lying homophobe obsessed with anal sex. Keep telling us it’s bad, bad, bad, Eric, and I’ll keep showing you for the lying buffoon you are.
That quote is from apparently your favorite section, the anal sex article. I am quoting medical experts; you are a pushing some heterophobic agenda, indicating that vaginal sex is anywhere near as risky as anal sex. The two aren’t comparable at all. You are lying and intentionally putting people’s lives at risk by claiming that anal and vaginal sex even close in terms of risk. From the NYC Health Dept.: “Studies have also shown that women who have unprotected anal sex with an HIV-infected man even one time are about 30 times more likely to get HIV than if they… Read more »
You’re a liar with zero credibility, Eric. You’re a lying homophobe who’s obsessed with anal sex. You won’t rest until you’ve told everyone over and over that anal sex is bad, bad, bad until they promise never, ever to do it, and to only engage in the sexual practices Eric thinks are right and proper. You don’t even see how ridiculous you’ve become, troll.
The quote is NOWHERE in the Wikipedia article on Safe Sex. You’re a liar and an idiot (Wiki is easy to check fool).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_sex
I’m not your pal, Eric, and I’ve already pointed out the holes in your ‘facts’, namely that the increase in the risk of anal cancer you attribute to anal sex is actually caused by Human Papilloma Virus. Anal sex without HPV will not significantly increase your risk of anal cancer. I’d find it amusing that you – the loudest, proudest member of the anti-anal troupe – are still trolling this thread about dudes and dildoes if you weren’t such a sneaky, malicious liar. I’ve already busted you misquoting and spouting your grubby-minded conjecture as fact and I’ll keep on doing… Read more »
Wow, people need to take a breath, drop the defensiveness, and realise that this is not a recruiting pamphlet for the anal brigade. The writer is merely pointing out that many men are uncomfortable exploring parts of their body sexually (parts I’ve been exploring sensibly for years with no incontinence or STDs thank you very much) because of ingrained social attitudes they’ve grown up with.
Anal sex increases the risk of anal cancer. Anal sex does increase the risk of incontenence. Anal sex increases the risk of STDs. The anus is where the body expels feces. These are all rational reasons to be uncomfortable with that activity. None of that has anything to do “ingrained social attitudes.”
Anal sex increases the risk of anal cancer the same way vaginal sex increases the risk of cancer in that area… increased likelihood of transmission of HPV. That’s a virus, something you catch from people, not dildos.
“Wow, people need to take a breath, drop the defensiveness, and realise that this is not a recruiting pamphlet for the anal brigade.”
It does not help that “GAY PORN NEWS” is one of the trackbacks for this article.
“It does not help”.
I got the sense that there was more to your objections than health.
Marko was trying to assure persons that this post was not a “recruiting pamphlet for the anal brigade.” The trackback from “queermenow.net” does not help that assurance.
Yeah, reassurance was given and a link to a gay site “didn’t help” with the assurance, which implies there is some fear and insecurity there.
The initial objections were for heath reasons, but now there are references to fear of being recruited into homosexuality, which makes more sense and explains the strong reaction earlier.
“Yeah, reassurance was given and a link to a gay site “didn’t help” with the assurance, which implies there is some fear and insecurity there.”
If fear and insecurity are the problem, then there should be no reassurances given to assuage those fears and insecurities. But so long as someone decided to issue them, they happened to appear kind of ironic given the trackback.
You make no sense. How is it ironic that a gay site linked to an article about male sexuality, and how does it relate to my point that the writer is not trying to suggest that men are faulty or homophobic if they’re not having anal sex? Do you dispute the contention that a significant number of men are uncomfortable about the idea because they grow up being told it’s wrong? For someone with such a negative attitude about it, you sure are trolling this thread about anal sex a lot. This lad doth protest too much I think.
Quite sure those same men are uncomfortable about the idea of kissing another man as well.
“This lad doth protest too much I think.”
I see the same thing. If you fear “recruitment” you have to be gay, bi or insure in the first place after all, straight men cannot be “recruited”.
Does that mean that I can’t criticize the “Recruitment Campaign”?
…Catch 22 anyone?
“straight men cannot be “recruited””
Of course not. That is, they cannot be “recruited” in the sense that their innate orientation would be changed. But lots of people can be compelled to engage in sexual activity that they do not like because of social pressure and factors. Lots of homosexual people engaged in heterosexual activity because of social pressure and social factors, even though they did not find it sexually appealing.
“How is it ironic that a gay site linked to an article about male sexuality, and how does it relate to my point that the writer is not trying to suggest that men are faulty or homophobic if they’re not having anal sex?” The site link is “ironic” when juxtaposed to your comment about the post not being a “recruitment pamphlet for the anal brigade.” I do not think the post is any kind of “recruitment pamphlet.” But since you decided to make some kind of condescending reassurance to people who have those fears, I pointed out that the trackback… Read more »
I’m not agitated, but I do dislike being misrepresented, especially by homophobes. Again, your statement has no logic. Again, there is no ironic link between a gay site linking to an article on male sexuality and my point that the writer is not trying to suggest men should indulge in anal or they’re ‘wrong’. What you are dancing around is the fact that you yourself believe it’s wrong and unmanly. You’re entitled to your opinion, but that’s all it is – a homophobic opinion based in prejudice more than in fact or experience. You do know that studies have found… Read more »
“I’m not agitated, but I do dislike being misrepresented, especially by homophobes. Again, your statement has no logic. Again, there is no ironic link between a gay site linking to an article on male sexuality and my point that the writer is not trying to suggest men should indulge in anal or they’re ‘wrong’.” How are you being misrepresented? Prefacing your statements with “again” does not make them or the prior statements correct. The irony is not between the trackback link and your desperate insistence that the author is not being judgmental. The “ironic link” was between your facetious remark… Read more »
And the penny drops. I finally understand the ‘irony’ you speak of. The problem is, the trackback link is only ‘ironic’ if, like you (and various other conservative activists), one perceives gay men as “interested and enthusiastic about the idea of heterosexual males being initiated into anal sex”, ie., as the predatory ‘recruiters’ many a homophobe has tried to portray them as being. Such esteemed company you position yourself with, bigot.
“I finally understand the ‘irony’ you speak of.” You see. The third time is the charm. “The problem is, the trackback link is only ‘ironic’ if, like you (and various other conservative activists), one perceives gay men as “interested and enthusiastic about the idea of heterosexual males being initiated into anal sex”, ie., as the predatory ‘recruiters’ many a homophobe has tried to portray them as being.” Just because one can imagine or foresee the views of paranoid persons does not necessarily mean that one shares those views. You anticipated that certain readers might perceive this article as a “recruitment… Read more »
I must admit I’m starting to get agitated, mostly because this thread is turning me into a worse ‘gotta have the last word’ troll than you two. Why do you, and the non-homophobic men you speak for, find the thought of anal sex “unnappealing”? If you think men should feel no need to “purge” themselves of the discomfort they have around anal sex, having been told it’s wrong since childhood, then you must think that discomfort justifiable or reasonable. How so? If all the social conditioning we’re subjected to telling us anal sex is dirty, unnatural and unmanly is not… Read more »
“I must admit I’m starting to get agitated, mostly because this thread is turning me into a worse ‘gotta have the last word’ troll than you two.” If you think “gotta have the last word” is a stupid game, nobody said you had to play. “Why do you, and the non-homophobic men you speak for, find the thought of anal sex “unnappealing”?” Some of the other posters listed other reasons. Some described the act as akin to feeling terribly constipated. The description is enough to deter some people from finding out for themselves. Excretion is one of the last remaining… Read more »
Thanks for the answers, and I agree with a great deal of what you’ve written, but I don’t see anywhere in the article the argument that men are obliged to engage in anal sex. As you say, many sexual attitudes and practices are shaped to an extent by ‘prejudices or retrograde sentiment’, but where’s the harm in making the observation that many of the taboos around anal sex are based in misogyny and homophobia?
“I don’t see anywhere in the article the argument that men are obliged to engage in anal sex.” The author says that the reluctance to engage in anal sex is often “the result of deeply ingrained gender stereotypes and socially-induced homophobia (yes, even in those really liberal guys who—on a conscious level—have absolutely nothing against homosexuals and loudly advocate for gay marriage)” So even if a person is intellectually in favor of equality and against heteronormativity, if they do not want to engage in anal sex, then they are probably still adhering to and perpetuating some kind of homophobia, the… Read more »
Kudos to the pseudo-intellectuals on this comment board for proving the author’s point. I think you’re all just one evolutionary step from being gay monkeys! Maybe if you tried something before you judged, you could be as happy as these fellas! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JNhhBhSAlw&feature=related
Men should stop being so prude and leave their inhibitions behind. I guarantee you, once you try pegging, you’ll end up begging for more and more.
That’s likely just a projection Maria, you tried anal and beg for more and more, but not all women that have tried anal beg for more and more like you do, the same goes for men.
Right on, Maria. I’m a straight man and pegging appeals immensely to me. People who don’t like anal should just not have anal, and stop stereotyping those who do.
I…I just…wow.
So if I don’t “explore” by taking a dildo in the ass I could be considered homophobic? This is flat out crazy. I just don’t want anything up my butt. It’s pretty simple. I know many women who feel the same way. Are they homophobic if they don’t try anal?
It’s amazing to me that you’d claim someone’s personal sexual preferences could possibly make them unintentional bigots. This one was a real head-scratcher.
“So if I don’t “explore” by taking a dildo in the ass I could be considered homophobic?”
Yes, exactly. And there are other ways of detecting homophobia.
George Will wrote a column back in 1994 which mentioned Cornell’s training for its resident advisers:
“At a Cornell training session for resident advisers, an X-rated homosexual movie was shown and pictures were taken of the advisers’ reactions, to detect homophobic squeamishness.”
http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/1994/11/13/a-kind-of-compulsory-chapel.html
If someone is squeamish about a man and a woman in a porn video, does that make them heterophobic?
By your logic, it would follow that male homosexual who has no desire for bsgpnal sex or lesbian who has no interest in sex with a man are both heterophobic. Breathtaking logic.
You understand that I am mocking Cornell and its whole standard of what constituted homophobia? Right?
Didn’t realize. Yeah, it’s wacko to n-th degree.
Maybe. Maybe not. My guess is that people who are screening other people for homophobia do not care about “heterophobia.” And at universities, I would guess that some academics advocate for “heterophobia,” particularly in the women’s studies departments.
“And at universities, I would guess that some academics advocate for “heterophobia,” particularly in the women’s studies departments.”
Male heterophpbia is common and acceptable in Women’s Studies, for a fact.
1994 was the heydey of political correctness taken to absurd extremes. I remember those days well – I was in grad school in the early 1990’s. I don’t think your story implies anything other that some early ’90’s crazy idea.
It implies that some egalitarians believe that if somebody is not personally accepting or enthusiastic about certain sexual acts, then that person is possibly homophobic or otherwise prejudiced, and should be reformed. That line of thought seems to have survived into postings like these.
What a piece of nonsense. I wonder who’s been watching too much porn? Not wanting objects crammed up your poop-shoot has nothing to do with culture. Have you visited the zoo lately? What group of mammals are doing anal? Nature designed two anal sphincters – an internal and an external, to keep stuff in and prevent breaking and entering. Two secure doorways plus peristalsis keep contents moving in one direction down this one-way street. You know what happens when you drive down a one-way street the wrong way too often? Accidents and damage. I’m buying stock in Kimberly-Clark, the maker… Read more »
Well, horses do anal, for one. When you breed them, you need a guy guiding to make sure it goes in the right hole. I don`t think much research has been done about anal sex in the animal world, but your response, exit, reminds me of what people used to say about homosexuality. Remember when supposedly only humans did that? Well, two decades and a lot of research later, we find there are some 500 species (and counting) that engage in homosexual activity. I`d be willing to bet the same is true for anal. I`d also be willing to bet… Read more »
Thank you for making my point. Horse breeders guide the penis away from the anus to prevent damaging valuable mares. We could learn a thing or two from a good ranch hand. And to that guy who thinks a vagina is analogous to an anus- were you asleep in the back row in 5th grade the day the school nurse explained how mommy and daddy created your little sister? Let me go over it again: Anus = not for babies; vagina = for babies. If pregnancy is a disease, what does that say about babies? Oh yeah, and no one… Read more »
Stallions are also notorious for their lack of self-control, exit, which is what may infact damage the anus.
Plus, stallions don’t even deliberately put it in the anus. It’s a hole to them.
“Btw, also presume that you`re against ORAL sex…?” No, Dr., he’s just as bitter about not getting that as he is about not getting the anal. I don’t see many animals giving themselves or each other handjobs, for that matter — what with so many of them not having hands and all — but my guess is he’s a very ardent and adept self-practitioner of that sexual act. Obviously, it’s not that he’s only against sex that nobody wants to share with him, it’s that he’s right and thousands of years of human history — as well as common sense… Read more »
Dolphins do anal, so do dogs and pigs and bonobos and…
As I’ve said before elsewhere – I don’t understand how anyone can have a hole, and never have tried sticking something into it.
Without getting too graphic here – how do people properly clean their number 2 without doing some form of digital insertion in that supposed one-way hole?
There’s a big difference between necessary cleaning and getting off (mind you there are some people who may be off on having their anus cleaned and there’s nothting wrong with that but its not like they can be treated as on and the same).
A parody, for illustration purposes: There’s clear medical evidence that the vagina is not designed for sexual penetration. Look at all the medical problems that come with vaginal intercourse – yeast infections, STI’s, HPV-related cervical cancer, ectopic pregnancies, etc. Vaginal intercourse can lead to this condition called pregnancy, which can be very dangerous for some women. It’s like a parasite develops inside the uterus, contorts your body, alters your hormones, and even softens your pelvic joints. Women all over the world die from it. Many women know this and still engage in vaginal intercourse anyway, sometimes just because they find… Read more »
Dizzying l! If everyone followed your logic the human race would die out. But, for the public good my wife and I will take the risk of human reproduction and you can take yours with fecal incontinence. Meet you at the hospital.
Didn’t intend to post this one. Thought better of it. Not sure what happened.
I thought it was pretty funny retort, actually. I was thinking of making a smartass comment about not assuming that a baby has to be born in a hospital….
P.S. Oh yeah, and I don’t think it’s my responsibility to make sure that the human race doesn’t die out. I’m not sure that’s a real tragedy. Statistical probability of 99% that it will someday anyway, if the fossil record is any indication. Besides, very few people actually have children with the survival of the species in mind, so why should I? Raises another thorny question — how could someone have evolved to think the way that I do about the future of the species? That seems like really bad brain design….
….see you there when your wife develops breast cancer because of your incessant mauling of her glands with your hands –her glands meant to feed your own children! Despicable.
Dizzying logic. Following it would end the human race. Not sure if you thought it through all the way.
Apparently not.
With the the 7 billionth baby just born — which doubles the global population of less than 50 years ago — you can’t seriously be concerned about the human race dying out. And you can’t seriously think that anal sex leads to incontinence. For that homophobic fantasy to be true, no gay neighborhood in the world would be able to keep the Depends in stock. Ads for adult diapers would be in every gay magazine. How to care for your incontinence would be a major topic of gay conversation. As much as you’d like to pretend otherwise, that just ain’t… Read more »
“Sorry, but vaginal intercourse is greatly inferior to anal if, for no other reason, than anal cannot lead to over-population.”
Anal sex increases the risk of anal cancer. Vaginal sex increases the risk of having a baby. I’ll take my chances with a baby. They’re nice. I like them.
The chances of getting anal cancer from anal sex are far less than the chances of having a baby from vaginal intercourse.
Besides, you clearly don’t know anything about what happens during pregnancy if all you associate with this process is a “baby”.
I’ll take my chances with another baby over anal cancer every single time. I absolutely love babies, especially when I can see my wife and I in them. It’s beautiful. However, I can’t think of a single positive thing to say about anal cancer. But, if that’s your preference, I won’t stand in your way.
I know a good bit about pregnancy having worked with many pregnant women as part of my volunteer work. I know the process very well.
But can’t vaginal intercourse contribute to cervical cancer? Or ectopic pregnancies? I’m not sure that any form of sex is completely free of complications.
OH PLEASE…
oh please, Mary….really ? Homophobia…bad…but mysygony…ok..even maybe a little funny…
anal sex…..sure..it’s your anus. Superior to vaginal…..lol..not in my vagina, sweetheart…..I have a ring of muscles that would pop even YOUR cork.
you are a woman hater.
and ..I know gay men whose ass’ss are SHOT…and permanently gapped…so don’t bother.
“When will this unnatural, disgusting habit stop? How many people have to get hurt before we wake up to what Mother Nature is telling us?”
When the Good Men Project succeeds in its mission to persuade all heterosexual males to either commit suicide, become eunuchs, or become homosexual.
“When the Good Men Project succeeds in its mission to persuade all heterosexual males to either commit suicide, become eunuchs, or become homosexual.”
I’m assuming the “either/or” terms were not meant to be mutually exclusive. One could actually do all three, theoretically. (As long as the suicide is last, of course.)
Yes, one could do all three. But doing just one would be sufficient to make sure that that person does not engage in vaginal sex with a female person, thus helping end the putrid horror of vaginal sex that “That Guy” was bemoaning.
Keep fighting the good fight against the male-heterophobia. The average go to work every day hetero male really is not the inherently evil scum of the earth personification of evil he’s made out to be by some here.
Scary to see a healthcare analyst who is totally unaware that too much anal play can damage the sphincter permanently. How much damage should people be willing to do in pursuit of the almighty climax?
Untrue. There is no evidence that anal play causes damage. If it hurts you’re doing it wrong.
Skep…. too much vaginal play can damage the vagina and the labia.
Too much drink can damage the esophagus… and the liver.
Too much of anything is damaging… because it’s TOO much!
You’re obviously here to denigrate gay people…
So, whay I’m reading here is that the anus/rectum is meant to be absolutely an “exit only” part of the body. That the insertion of anything is counter to nature, against the natural design of the human body. Even medical experts are stating this as some sort of eternal, universal, physiological fact. I’m left wondering if this is only true for sexual activities, or if this truly is some kind of universal absolute, like never never never put anything in there for any reason. If so, then the medical experts are in a bit of quandary. That would mean no… Read more »
“I’m not sure how you would fix a torn anus without inserting something in the butt at some point. If something goes in for medical reasons that’s perfectly natural, but for pleasure it’s unnatural?” Normally, you are not supposed to stab or impale sharp objects into your body. However, if someone does that to you or you do that to yourself, medical professionals may have to puncture your body with other sharp objects (scalpels, forceps and stitches) in order to repair the damage and prevent you from dying. Since surgeons sometimes cut into the body with sharp objects for medical… Read more »
” it therefore follows that it is okay to recreationally stab knives and spikes into one’s viscera? Is that right?” Sort of, yes and no. We have all sorts of medical treatments available for people who hurt themselves in the pursuit of fun. Even for people who break the skin in the pursuit of happiness. We have antibiotics for girls who get infections from pierced ears. We have tiny bandages for babies who get circumcised. I knew perfectly well that playing rugby was hard on the knees and I played anyway and tore the hell out of some ligaments that… Read more »
“It’s using an opening instead of creating an opening.” So do people who engage in “skull fucking.” And ask a female person how it feels when a person enters her urethra instead of her vagina. It’s another preexisting opening, but it is not going to be pleasant. “Technically, putting something inside your anus is not putting something inside your viscera, but inside a cavity.” Your large intestine is part of your viscera. Once you stab through your viscera, you are penetrating into the cavity that is inside your viscera. What difference does it make if you try through the anus… Read more »
Wait a second… Did you just compare anal sex to skull-fucking, Megalodon?
“Enter a female person’s urethra…” I just asked six women and none of them could tell me how this felt, because it had happened to none of them. Do you really think this is common sexual play, Meg, on the order of anal sex…?
Megalodon, Perhaps my wording was confusing and my examples somewhat extreme I think there’s a huge difference between getting into your rectal cavity via the anal opening and getting there by stabbing through other tissue to get to the cavity. The first one uses a pre-existing aperture with muscles that can be consciously relaxed (up to a certain point), while the second one slices through tissue to get to the same place. Anal penetration CAN cause damage, no question about it, but by itself anal penetration is not the same as cutting open your flesh. I concede your point that… Read more »
“I think there’s a huge difference between getting into your rectal cavity via the anal opening and getting there by stabbing through other tissue to get to the cavity.”
Just another taboo for someone to break, I’m sure. Remember that part in the film “Quills” when the Marquis de Sade is narrating his new work? About creating holes where there were none before?
And so we’re back to the dildo—believe it or not, but according to research in this area most heterosexual men exclude the possibility of using dildos precisely because they don’t want to act “gay” and be “passive.”
It’s customary to provide a link so that readers can check into the basis for your claim, including possible countervailing evidence. Why would you present an authoritative-sounding scientific claim, offering absolutely no support whatsoever?
Pegging is the new blow job. The orgasms are intense. It makes for fun role playing. It does not mean you are gay. I’m straight and I love women. It just means you want mind blowing sex. That being said I like to keep my sex life private with my spouse. So talking about it with my male friends is just not going to happen. I think Maria Pawlowska needs to get out a bit more
I’ve read the first 20 or so responses, and I’d like to add a bit to the conversation from the perspective of a gay man who very much enjoys anal penetration… hopefully I can add some insight and clear up some confusion. (apologies if any of this was covered by someone else) 1- Mind-blowing orgasms? Eh, maybe, but not usually. The author fails to mention that the prostate is located fairly deep in the rectum and sensitively can vary from person to person. Most penises are not long enough to do the trick (sad, but true), and most of the… Read more »
I deeply love you right now, Chris G.
Awww, thank you Julie G. 😉
In the closing words of your essay you describe the aversion to being penetrated as both “deep seated” and a cultural artifact. I don’t think it can be both. Yes, something can be “deep seated” after soaking in from the culture for a long time, but this isn’t, I think, what’s going on. I vote for a natural disinclination on the part of most men, which is not universal (hence receptive gay men, and the proportion of men who do like to be penetrated). I’m a gay-friendly straight man who’s learned to try a lot of things I was never… Read more »
All sorts of off-kilter assumptions and articles of faith that I see exposed here in the comments. Just some of them: 1. Seeing intercourse as “penetration” and nothing else. The word “penetration” tends to imply that the “male” member/object is the one doing all the action and the “female” member/aperture is just passive. This is certainly true in many cases, but not necessarily always the case. A person can certainly be the one being penetrated and be the active partner at the same time. For example, the person performing fellatio is generally the active one in control of the situation,… Read more »
” For example, the person performing fellatio is generally the active one in control of the situation, even though he/she is “being penetrated.”” Perhaps in some earlier cultures and contexts, but not in the current culture. The person performing the oral sex is the one engaging in movement and activity, but that does not necessarily qualify them as sexual participant who is “in control of the situation” or considered dominant. In this culture, the performer of oral sex is regarded as the subordinate, inferior partner. You are probably aware of the double standard regarding oral sex. Many males will have… Read more »
I agree that very often in present-day mainstream American culture the fellator is *seen* as the subordinate participant. The fellatee is often *seen* as the dominator, no question. I’m suggesting that’s only one way to look at it that may not apply to the facts on the ground, so to speak. I’m suggesting that in reality the person manipulating the penis often has a LOT of control over events, and the person attached to the penis is in many ways very vulnerable. Perhaps in many cases they are BOTH in control of parts of the experience and are BOTH vulnerable… Read more »
“I’m suggesting that in reality the person manipulating the penis often has a LOT of control over events, and the person attached to the penis is in many ways very vulnerable.” Yes, I imagine that a person who has another person’s genitals between his/her teeth has theoretical leverage over the other person. Whenever I first heard about incidents when rapists forced their victims to perform oral sex, it always sounded strange to me that these rapists would deliberately place themselves in such a physically vulnerable position. Remember that scene from “The Shawshank Redemption” when the Sisters intend to force Andy… Read more »
I love the idea of envelopment. I hate the current cultural trope that receiving means submission. Kings and Queens receive gifts and honor. Does that make them submissive? No, they don’t have to take. They have people to do that for them.
It does not have to be a 12 inch python by the way – anal sex is more than just finding a large object to stick in your man’s asshole.
Everybody has fingers.
If you need an entry point for discussion – playing doctor and providing a prostrate exam has a good success rate.
Some problems I have with this article: 1) “According to heteronormative societal standards, there are a number of issues with men being gay, many of which can be boiled down to the fact that they are seen as giving up (at least partially) their well-deserved male privileges and becoming more “like women.” I don’t know what this author is talking about. I have never had any privileges from being male. In point of fact, when we turn the metrics which show wide-spread black disenfranchisement (like incarceration, potential to be victims of crime, suicide, homelessness, etc..) to gender we find men… Read more »
5) I find it interesting that everybody is expected to respect the sexual proclivities of others particularly gays. However, this never works the same way. If it’s bad to deconstruct gay sex and make judgements upon it, then why is it okay to do that to straight sex? More importantly, I am very disturbed by feminist liberal tendencies to try to state in an authoritative way what “feelings” people have are AUTHENTIC. This is a very slippery slope, considering that liberal feminists are (essentially) pulling this tactic out of the bigots toolbox (in other words the shaming that used to… Read more »
Heterosexual men are not into anal sex because they don’t see themselves as being penetrated as compared to them penetrating. The closeness to being considered gay is detestable to them.