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For hundreds of years and more, most societies around the world have contained relationship dynamics that are not equal. From men being the breadwinner to the woman being the caretaker and receiver, societal norms are arranged in a way so as to place real pressure on a person who defies those expectations.
This is changing. Women are increasingly entering career areas that have been hyper-masculine and men, long-living under the invisible expectation to be the provider, are opting to live atypical lives such as the ‘stay at home dad’.
The consequence of bias is felt by all of us. Unique to the male experience is a life where, to varying degrees, a man is punished or penalized in some way if they are to act outside the boundaries of their traditional gender roles. As conditioned participants in this dynamic, men do their own part in perpetuating and reinforcing the concept of the dominant male breadwinner stereotype – often through how they joke, talk and interact with their peers. A colleague whose wife earns more is insecure, a man who chooses childcare over career questionable at best.
As is evidenced by the global focus on extremes to either side of the pendulum, however, change is happening. Men and women are approaching relationships and the roles they play within them differently, with over three-quarters of respondents in a survey performed two years ago as disputing the traditional places of men and women in work and home respectively.
Looking back
Interestingly, we can look back on the male experience throughout our collective past and see things that ring true with modern values – and that have since declined. In the article Bosom Buddies: A Photo History of Male Affection, we can see evidence of the steady decline of the expression of intimacy and affection between men.
A theory put forward by the article’s writer rings true: whether through work, social life or military service, men in previous years relied upon each other for longer periods – and with greater consequences attached to those bonds. Now, we live in a culture where professionals climb career ladders at increasing frequency, with a boom in online interaction and a diminished societal expectation to “put down roots”. Men, perhaps, have learned to adjust.
Stress and income
Studies on how couples share responsibilities and finance are similarly telling. While we’re pushing in the direction of equality in relationships, stigmas and bias still hold in the conscious and subconscious; studies such as that recently completed by the University of Bath have found men to be least stressed when their wives are earning up to 40% of the household’s income. Crucially, they found that when that figure rose above 40%, so did the man’s stress levels.
Also important here is the relationship between stress and physical health. Societal norms that are still reinforced today can actually harm those to whom they are subjected. As these norms shift towards an approach to relationships that is more balanced, the presence of the physical consequences of lingering stigma remains.
Future flexible
Interestingly, we’re also seeing couples be more willing and inclined to define their own way to handle money. Although gender equality in relationships may be argued to be improving, studies are showing that millennials and younger couples are often opting to maintain separate bank accounts as a sign of trust towards their other half. It’s a smart and pragmatic approach; by working as a team while retaining a degree of independence, young couples are developing trust while still keeping their options open should the need for something like a couples loan arise.
It’s also about individuality and autonomy – two things young adults particularly value today. As we’re seeing relationship norms change, we’re similarly seeing a trend of young couples who are seeking to define for themselves what fairness, trust and the structure of their relationship roles should be. Although we still live amongst the consequences of the past and have a duty to address the present as best we can, it’s encouraging to see the maturity and awareness that lies behind this significant generational shift.
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This content is brought to you by Tim Woodley.
Photo: Shutterstock
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