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“Everyone needs a place. It shouldn’t be inside of someone else. “
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Richard Siken
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“It’s the one thing we never quite get over: that we contain our own future.”
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Barbara Kingsolver
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Far too often we seek definition from the outside — the outside world and people. Metaphorically, it means we far too often find our ‘place’ inside the outside.
It makes you wonder a little why we think someone else can build this space better than ourselves.
I mean … c’mon … who can build it BUT yourself?
We are born to build our own place because, frankly, there is nobody who can know you more than you. You should not be molded by the eyes or thoughts of others. You should build a place in which “you” is safe .
And, while this may seem philosophical, pragmatically nobody else CAN build it for you because, well, it is and always will be who you were and who you will be.
You are not only the architect of your fate but the architect of your space. I am fairly sure you would not choose to build a home inside another home.
Why would you do so with yourself?
Sadly this conversation of ‘building your own space’ seems to almost always focus on what kind of person one is in relation to other people or societal norms/expectations.
I am not going to suggest your relationship with other people or the outside world is irrelevant just that you shouldn’t permit it to define your space.
I think it is important to define oneself as an individual and avoid comparisons as much as possible, or, at least with minimal comparisons.
We certainly have the power, the intellect & the knowledge to define ourselves. Some people call his ‘find your own voice’. I kind of think it is find your own space. You find your own home within you in which you sleep, eat, think, invite, kick out, party, cry and live.
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“When they opened the cadaver, they found a house.
A couple argued inside.
There was a rhythm to their words, like the beating of a heart.”
Barry Napier
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By the way. While this thought sounds sensible and practical and … well… good … it is really hard.
Essentially this means the only promise you are making is to yourself and not to anyone else. You are not a metaphor, nor an excuse nor an example to others. But this also means you have to create on your own and many people don’t think they are creative enough to build something strong or ‘right’ or beautiful . It is difficult because you are judged first & foremost by yourself and then you can decide whether you want to see if you meet the ‘promise’ that others & society feel like you should have made to them.
All my bullshit philosophical ramblings aside, I love the thought that no one should build their space inside someone else.
I love the thought this makes most people uncomfortable. It makes people feel uncomfortable because they know they are part of something bigger … and that ‘bigger’ MUST be smarter than … well … me. I mean c’mon … wouldn’t they know better than I whether I was good enough or fulfilling the promise of who and what I should be?
I also think it makes people feel uncomfortable because pretty much everyone has a storm inside them. A storm of who and what they will be. The lightning inside us scares us. The electricity energizes us at the same time. And we don’t know whether we are good enough, big enough, strong enough, for the storm inside us.
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“We just have too much lightning crammed into our hearts.
Just want someone to put her ear to our chest and tell us how far away the storm is.”
Lauren Zuniga
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Aw shit … I don’t know. Lightning & storms are alternatively scary and exciting. All I really know is that it is my storm and I want my space for it to rage.
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This post previously published on Enlightened COnflict and is republished with the permission of the author.
Photo courtesy Pixabay.
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