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I can’t remember a time when I followed the beat of anyone else’s drum other than my own. Conformity has never been a part of my vocabulary. Does this make me some sort of a rebel? Some would argue yes. However, I prefer to think of it as simply creating myself. I’ve never fit into cliques of people and have typically always been a bit of an outcast. There was a short period of time when this bothered me, but that didn’t last very long.
As a young girl I was never allowed to cut my hair. It was long and beautiful and received compliments regularly. My father loved to parade his daughter around, with her locks well past her buttocks, to all of his friends. The reality of it was that I couldn’t take care of it myself and it required me to depend on my mother or father to wash it, brush it, and untangle it. Using the bathroom was a chore as I had to hold onto my hair so it didn’t fall into the toilet and get peed on. What child wants to worry about peeing on their own hair?! At the ripe old age of 10 years old I was shopping with my aunt when I told her that my parents said I could cut my hair. This was long before cellular phones were a thing and there was no way to verify my statement. I was always an honest child so there was no reason to doubt my words as we marched into the hair salon in the mall. When we walked out, I had the biggest smile on my face with my haircut that looked as if a kitchen bowl were placed on my head as the guiding pattern for the scissors (and razor). To say I got into some trouble for that one is a huge understatement. However, I was free!! No more depending on anyone and I could pee without worry!
A few years later I was switched from private to public school. I had never worn anything other than a uniform to school and I was completely frightened as to how I should dress. This was a relatively wealthy neighborhood and we were poor. We had to move into my grandmother’s basement which resulted in the new school. The first day of school may have been the absolute worst in my life. I wore my mother’s hand me downs as I entered the classroom on the first day of school and noticed the laughter and whispers from my new peers. This day repeated itself for a couple of weeks until I came up with a solution. I used fabric dyes and scissors to give my hand me downs new life. I used safety pins, buttons, and patches to hold things together when I cut a little too much. Before I knew it, I was the only grungy rocker chick in the well-to-do school. People were no longer talking about me, but they were talking to me. They wanted to know how I did what I did with my clothing or why I did it. My answer was “because I wanted to.” Isn’t that why most people do things?
After school I conformed briefly and went away to college. I quickly learned that wasn’t for me and came home to work in a warehouse. Let me tell you, I rocked that forklift…until I nearly drove it off the dock and got moved to stationary machinery. I worked some manual labor jobs for a few years and decided to give college another crack, on my terms this time. I started off as a bio-chemistry major as I had found myself working in a medical laboratory and loved it. A couple of years into it I decided I needed a fluff class and took Psychology 101. Halfway though the class I was begging my advisor to let me switch majors and count 2 years of biology, chemistry, and anatomy as my college electives. Everyone was telling me it was crazy because I would be in school forever. Kick rocks I say, I finished my undergrad in 3 years…with honors.
So what did I do with my big fancy degree? I became a bartender. With zero experience at all, I found someone to take a chance on me and throw me behind a bar to sling drinks. I got stuck in the fast paced life and quick cash in my pocket. Life was losing luster for me and it was time to change something. Back to school I went and got an even bigger and fancier degree. Guess what I did with that degree? I went and did volunteer work in India.
People have often asked if I found what I was looking for in India. I know they are waiting to hear some epiphany that I had about how I was lost and found myself again. The answer is always the same…no. No, I did not find what I was looking for and I did not find myself because I was not looking for anything and I was not lost. I was simply following my gut when I decided to take an adventure. Listening to myself led me to where I needed to be at that time in my life. Taking that adventure helped in creating the story of my life, but it did not make me who I am.
Today I have pink and blue hair because, why not? I dress in clothing that I like wearing and rarely, if ever, do I have on matching socks. I work as a therapist and a life coach on my terms utilizing methods that I prefer. I continue to travel and do volunteer work because that is what fills my cup AND helps in the creation of my story.
I became this person I am today by listening to my gut at various stages in my life. I became this person I am today by not giving a damn what people think of my decisions in life. Listening to ME has led me to where I am today. We don’t have to fit into anyone’s box or conform to anyone else’s set of rules on how life should be lived. Do no harm, but take no shit. Create the life you can look back on and say “damn, that was a wild ride.” You have this one life…create it, live it!
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